Dirty Jobs

I love that show (although I haven't seen a new one in a long time). It's interesting to watch and well if I'm being honest, Mike Rowe is kinda hot. Just don't tell my husband. He thinks I watch it because I'm being nice and letting him control the TV!

Now poor Mike has done all kinds of things that most of us would never want to do. He's cleaned up all kinds of assorted animal crap, dead things, rotten things and trash. He's climbed into tight, dark, dirty spaces that make me nearly have a panic attack just thinking about it.

What I like to know is why he's never done a show about being a stay at home parent. It's a rewarding job but it sure can be dirty. I've cleaned up the diapers that were nearly vomit inducing. Speaking of vomit, I've cleaned that up as well. My children treat me like I'm a walking tissue and are always wiping their noses on me! Gross! I have to check my shirt to make sure I'm not covered in snot before I leave the house.

I clean up spills and scrub food off the floor. I have to empty out that half filled sippy of milk that has somehow found it's way under the couch and has been there for who knows how long! I've been peed on, pooped on and spit up on. I've leaked milk all over myself at very embarrassing times. In the first few weeks after Jillian was born there were days that I was desperate for even a 5 minute shower and I had to run my tongue over my teeth to remember whether or not I had already brushed my teeth.

So Mike Rowe I challenge you to a day as a stay at home parent!

It's been one of those days

*I overslept and had to rush around getting the kids and myself ready to take Ben to school.

*I, of course, ended up behind someone who insisted on doing 25 mph in a 35 mph zone. Jeremy has said it before and he's right (mark that one down in history)...it's a really good thing that I don't have a gun. We don't have bail money to get me out of jail.

*I went to pick Ben up from school and Jillian pooped on the way there so I had to change her at his school. She proceeded to scream and thrash like a bear caught in a trap while I changed her.
I went to get Ben and received a bad report from his teacher. He apparently had a very bad day.

*Not only had he pooped in his pants (again) he also was the bully of the day.

*I made him take a nap after lunch but Jillian wouldn't stop shrieking so he couldn't sleep. I sent him to my room where he proceeded to get into everything.

*Ben later refused to eat his dinner and threw his fork to the floor 4 different times and was finally sent to his room.

*He continued his day of bullying by tormenting his little sister by stealing away anything she put her little hand on. She responded by shrieking at ear splitting volumes.

*Bedtime finally arrived and I was nearly giddy with excitement. I should have known that due to earlier events bedtime would not go well.

*Jillian slept for about 10 minutes before starting to scream. I was about to get in the shower so Jeremy took care of her. I came out to find her playing in the living room with Ben. Guess she decided she wanted no parts of bedtime.

*I decided to hide in the bedroom for some peace and quiet while Jeremy dealt with them! He finally got her to sleep and then he attempted to get Ben to bed. Screaming, crying and an all out tantrum followed.

*I hear Jeremy begging him to go to sleep. I hear him making empty threats. Ben continued to scream. Then mean mommy came out. I was absolutely done with that behavior for the day. He was asleep less than 10 minutes after Mommy took over again.

Tomorrow better be a better day!

My beautiful girl is one!

One year ago today I gave birth the the most beautiful little girl! At 5:14 a.m on November 4, 2009 Jillian Alyse entered the world weighing a hefty 9lbs 12 oz. This past year has been amazing. She is such a sweet and happy baby!

She cries sometimes but she's easily consoled. She almost always full of smiles and laughter. I could spend a day just staring at her beautiful, dark eyes with their long curly eyelashes. I've never seen eyes as dark as hers and they were like almost from the very start.

Almost every day she makes her favorite silly face at me. She squishes up her little button nose and grins this really big grin. Even when I'm in a bad mood it makes me laugh. She is a very active little girl. Much more physically active then Ben was at this age (I guess because she wants to keep up with him). She is constantly climbing onto the coffee table or getting into something. She definitely keeps me busy.

Jillian is already taking 3-4 steps at a time. She's still unsure of herself but I don't think it'll be much longer before she's walking all over the place.

We had a big birthday party for her on Saturday the 30th! We did a cupcake theme and it was so much fun! Jillian looked so pretty in her pink dress and I think she had a fun day.

Today was kind of a crummy day even though it was her birthday. I have an abscessed tooth so I haven't felt up to doing much. I had wanted to go earlier this week to buy her presents but wasn't up to it so I went today. Of course it was pouring rain so I had to take both kids out in the nasty weather. We picked out some nice gifts for her and then went out and had pancakes for lunch which Jillian loved! I had planned to go out and get her a cake when Jeremy got home from work but he ended up being late....really late. So I quickly baked her a cake while the kids ate dinner.

Since Jeremy was so late I finally just gave her her presents and she seemed happy. Then we did the cake where Jeremy came home. I wanted to be able to get some really nice pictures of her today but with the weather being so crappy I didn't get the chance. Hopefully, I will soon!

I have so much more I want to say but the pain meds (for my tooth) are making my head swim now!

So much to say

Wow things have been so busy lately. We had something planned every weekend this month. It's been pure craziness. To top it all off I was in charge of Ben's Halloween party at school and we had Jillian's first birthday party and Halloween to deal with.

The house looks like a tornado ripped through it. Jillian's party was yesterday and stuff is every where. We didn't even have the party here! I just let other things go in order to get ready for the party so my goal this week is to get the house back in order.

Ben's party was fun! The kids were adorable and I think they had a good time. He actually wore his costume this year for their little parade. Last year he cried and refused to wear it. My little boy is growing up.

Jillian's party was fun. I can't believe that her first birthday party is over now. She'll be one on the 4th so that's still a few days away but the big party is over. I did a cupcake theme for her and was up to my eyeballs in cupcakes! She looked so beautiful in her little party dress. I did really well and didn't cry at all during the party. I cried when I got her ready and then again when I had a few moments alone later. It's wonderful watching her grow up but it's bittersweet in some ways because she is very likely my last baby. It's hard thinking about the fact that this will be the last 1st birthday party that I will plan. We had a great day though. Our friends and family came to help us celebrate and Jillian was the star of the show.

Today was Halloween. Ben was Buzz Lightyear and he decided it was the best costume ever! He was so excited to wear it. This year he really got the whole concept of Halloween. He walked up to houses and knocked on the door. He ran from each house yelling "Mommy! I got more candy!" His eyes were practically popping from their sockets. After a while though he was ready to go home. It was windy and he doesn't like the wind.

Jillian was Raggedy Ann. She truly was a living doll. I had someone make the costume for her so it was all hand made. She looked so cute! Her costume had a special meaning for me. I bought a Raggedy Ann doll for her after I found out she was a girl. I took it to the hospital with me and took her picture with it after she was born. Then I took her picture with it on the 4th of every month to show how much she'd grown from month to month. Since her birthday is so close to Halloween I decided I wanted to dress her as Raggedy Ann for Halloween and then do some of her 1st birthday pics in the costume with her doll. She got tons of compliments while we were out tonight. Three random strangers took her picture because they thought she was so cute. I swear those beautiful dark eyes of hers and that sweet little smile could melt any heart.

I'm glad this week is over. Now I can look forward to and dread (all at the same time) Jillian's actual birthday in a few days.

Busy weekend!

Actually the whole month is cram packed. I've felt like I haven't had much of a life for the last few months and now I have to much to do! This weekend we have a wedding/reception to go to on Saturday and then another wedding reception to go to on Sunday.

I'm looking forward to the wedding on Saturday because just Jeremy and I are going. My parents are watching the kids for the day. Jeremy and I don't get much time together. We can't even sleep in bed without a kid between us most nights or one of us ends up sleeping in another room with one of the kids. So it'll be nice to have a grown up night out!

The kids are going with us to the reception on Sunday which I hope will be fun too. I bought the most beautiful dress for Jillian and I can't wait to show her off in it! I will admit that I love showing off my kids. They really are my pride and joy. They are the best things I've ever done with my life. I often look at them and just can't believe that they came from me.

Well I need to get to bed. I'm reading Under the Dome by Stephen King on my Kindle (which is the most awesome thing ever by the way) and I only get to really read once the kids go to bed.

It Was a 3 Shot Kinda Day

Nope, I don't mean that kind of shot. Today's shots were not of the fun, make you feel happy variety. They were the kind that require a visit to the doctor, tears and Band-aids.

Jillian, Ben and I all got our flu shots today. Not high on my list of fun things to do. I'm not a fan of shots to begin with. Needles have always made me cringe. Ask my mom. She used to laugh at me. Mom, if you're reading this you're still mean!

Anyway, now I have to put on a brave face and take that shot like a big girl because the kids are right there watching. I can't cry and wince like I really want to! It'd be pretty hard to convince them to be brave if they catch me being a big ol' weenie! Lucky, mommy got to go first. Surprisingly, it didn't really hurt. It hurt more to remove the Band-aid later. Next time I think I'd just prefer to bleed on my shirt.

Big Ben was next. Once he saw what they did to me he wanted no parts of getting a shot. They stick the kids in their thigh so I had to pull his pants down and then they make the parent restrain the child. Gee thanks. Like I don't have to be the bad guy often enough. First I have to tell the kid that he cannot have Gummi Bears for breakfast and now you want me to pin his arms and legs down while you poke him with something sharp and pointy? Awesome. He cried. I almost cried. Then the nurse took him to get a sticker. He found a Toy Story one and all was right with his world again.

Jilly Bean went last. She had a little exam first because she was also there to have her foot checked (everything is fine). Then it was needle time. Again, I get stuck restraining the poor kid. This really is one of the parenting jobs I hate. I'm supposed to keep things from hurting my kids but here I am bear hugging them to hold them still (and boy does that girl hate to be held still) while someone inflicts pain upon them. Last time she got a shot she gave the nurse a dirty look and then was over it. This time...not so much. She cried. Then she screamed. Then she just looked pitiful and buried her face in my neck. Luckily, within a few minutes she was over it.

They should give parents the type of shot that comes in a glass prior to the start of these appointments.

Life gets a little busy

I haven't blogged in a while. I've started my own little "business" making hair bows. I've actually made some money which is awesome. It's cut into my blogging time lately though because it's hard to do much work on it when the kids are awake so I work when they're sleeping which is also when I'd usually blog.

On top of all of that Jillian and I have gone back and forth being sick so she's often needier than usual and waking a lot at night and I haven't been feeling that great myself.

October is here and for some reason this month is jam packed with stuff. I sold hair bows last weekend at a children's resale and that was a lot to get ready for. This coming weekend we have a wedding to go to on Saturday and then another reception to go to on Sunday. Next weekend I have another sale for hair bows. The weekend after that is the only weekend we don't have anything planned for yet. Then the 30th is Jillian's first birthday party. I've tried to put that out of my mind as much as possible because I'm just not ready for her to turn one.

All of that on top of the fact that my daughter is half human and half monkey! She can now climb up onto the coffee table and she's attempting to climb onto everything else. She gets into everything. If anyone leaves anything within her grasp she'll get it! She is so much more active then Ben was at this age. She's cruising the furniture and I won't be surprised if she starts walking before her birthday. She's growing so fast!

Okay now I need to get to bed because Ben has school in the morning and I have a feeling it's going to be another restless night with Jillian.

Feeling....well I don't know what

Jeremy put away the baby swing tonight. Jillian's almost 10 months old now and it was time. She loved her swing and used it often up until 3 weeks ago. She was getting to big for it and we began to only use it occasionally and for the last week we haven't used it at all.

I couldn't look while he did it. I was on the phone with my mom and trying to fight back the tears. That swing held both of my babies. Now both of them are too big for it. I remember the first time that I put each of them in it. I remember how tiny they looked sitting there. It was almost as if the swing had swallowed them up. As of last week Jillian's legs dangled quite a ways over the edge of the seat and the swing had started to creak under her weight! How did she get so big so fast?

Half of my dining room is currently filled with out grown clothes and the bassinet. We want to have a yard sale soon and there's a children's resale event coming up so I've got to get the stuff ready to sell. It hurts to think about it though. It would be nice for someone else to get some use out of that stuff but it makes me sad to think that I won't have another baby that can use it.

When I had Jillian I surprisingly felt like I wasn't finished with having children. I had been so sure up until the moment that they handed her to me. The second she was in my arms I thought "I don't want this to be the last time that they had me a new baby." In some ways I still feel that way and in other ways I realize that our family could be complete now. The days where I feel like I'm about to lose my mind I find myself thinking "yep no more kids for me!" Then there are the moments when I look at them and see how quickly they are growing, the moments when Jillian falls asleep with her head on my should and I feel her warm breath on my neck, the times when I snuggle her in my arms and smell her fresh from the bath sweet scent, the nights when I cuddle up with Ben in his bed and he tells me "I love you moon back Mommy." Those are the moments that make me sad that I won't experience those things with another child.

We have a total of 3 beautiful children though. I got very lucky and had 2 very healthy pregnancies. All of our kids are happy and healthy and watching them grow is a true joy. I'm not ready to completely close down the baby factory by doing something permanent but I think I'm getting closer to being at peace with having 2 of my own children and one beautiful stepdaughter.

Holding my babies for the first time is something I hope I'll never forget though. I remember that exact moment for each of them. I remember the way I felt and I remember looking at Jeremy and thinking about how amazing it was that he and I had created the beautiful life that was now nestled in my arms. It was incredible and overwhelming. I am sad that I won't experience it again.

Wonder if a straight jacket would help.....

Tonight I gave Jillian a bath and this is how it went.

1. Start bath water.
2. Gather towel, wash cloth, pajamas and lotion.
3. Tackle giggling baby and wrestle clothes and diaper off of her.
4. Laugh out loud at baby who is very happy to be naked.
5. Grab naked baby who is now crawling away and carry her to the tub.
6. Secure baby in tub and wash her hair and body and then let her play for a bit.
7. Clean up resulting mess of bath tub play time.
8. Use baby's towel to dry myself off.
9. Remove slippery, sweet smelling baby from tub and wrap in damp towel.
10. Lay baby and towel on the living room floor (we don't use fancy schmancy changing tables in this house!) and grab lotion.
11. Grab baby from where ever she's crawled off to and lay her back on towel.
12. Keep wrestling her back onto the towel as you apply lotion.
13. Cap lotion, grab diaper.
14. Capture baby once again and put her back on the towel.
15. Put diaper under baby and make 5 attempts at wrestling her into it.
16. Give up for a bit and let her crawl around naked.
17. Recapture baby and make attempt #6 at diapering.
18. Get diaper on baby even if it's crooked consider it a success. When she leaks in the middle of the night make daddy change her.
19. Tickle baby and blow raspberries on her belly and soak up the sound of her sweet laugh.
20. Attempt to wrangle giggly baby into pajamas.
21. Slip jammies over her head, slip arms in, and then lay her down.
22. Lay her down again.
23. Lay her down again.
24. Finally say "Okay you win" and give up for the time being.
25. Make a bottle for baby, feed her and breath in her clean baby smell.
26. Enjoy the fact that she's actually being still for a minute.
27. Button jammies after she's asleep and pray you don't wake her up.
28. Tell your husband "next time it's your turn" even though you know that next time it'll be all you again!

I considered finding a straight jacket but I think I need it more than she does!

The reason I never accomplish one task

It'd be easy to blame it on the kids but really it's because of me (well sometimes it's the kids but mostly it's me). I have some type of cleaning ADHD. It's crazy. Here's what happens.

Let's say I decide to clean out a closet. I get myself all psyched up for it and ready to get started. I open the closet door, take a deep breath and begin to tackle the job. So far so good right? Right...but then the ADHD takes hold.

I decide that some item should be moved to another closet. I go to that closet and realize "Hmm I should clean this one too so I have a good place to put this item." So then I decide to tackle that closet first. I pull everything out of that closet and decide some of those items need another home somewhere else in the house. I make a pile of stuff for Jeremy to take down to the basement (and then said pile sits there until he gets tired of my nagging a month later and does it) and then I begin redistributing items to other locations throughout the house. Which starts the problem all over again. I open a cabinet and think "Hmm there are a few things in here I should get rid of" or "I really should put these things in a place where I'll be sure to use them more often."

After a while I get overwhelmed, plop myself down in the chair, turn on the computer and write a blog about it!

A Doodly Dilemma

I felt brave (or maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment) and I decided to take the kids out to lunch and a store today. I've done it before and while it's normally exhausting I've survived it. I wasn't so lucky today.

People always seem so excited to potty train their kids and act like it makes life so much easier once they're potty trained. Nope, no no no it's not. With diapers when they go you change the diaper and that's that. With potty training you end up making mad dashes to the bathroom all for what turns out to be a fart.

We went to lunch first. I asked for a high chair for Jillian and then Ben decided he wanted one too. I got them both settled and we ordered drinks. The waitress comes back and sets the little pitcher of creamer for my coffee right in front of Jillian who immediately reaches over and knocks it over. I get that cleaned up and we order our food.

Then Ben loudly announces "Mommy! I have to poop!" So I get him out of the high chair, get Jillian out of hers, grab my purse and off we go.

Here comes the dilemma.......WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH JILLIAN WHILE I BALANCE BEN ON THE POTTY SO HE DOESN'T FALL IN?

Luckily the floor didn't look to dirty and it was the handicap stall so I was able to put her away from the potty. My purse is a messenger style bad so I put it on the floor and opened the flap and sat her on it praying she wouldn't lean down and lick the floor or something.

I balanced Ben on the potty and he farted and said he was done. Seriously Ben? We ran in here for a FART? I got everyone washed up and went back to the table. We start to eat and my food sucks so I send it back. Then Ben announces again that he has to poop.

All that was different this time was that he did pee. Well at least it didn't seem like a wasted trip.

We move on to the store. Five minutes in Ben announces that he pooped in his "unnerwear." I sincerely hoped he was once again mistaken and that he'd just farted again. Once again we race to the bathroom. Only one stall was available and it was tiny. I check Ben and realize that yes indeed he has pooped in his pants. Crap! (literally) Now where was I going to put Jillian.

I ended up strapping her to the baby changer (which was right across from the stall) and kept the stall door open while I stripped Ben's lower half and cleaned him up. By this point Jillian is screaming and I'm ready to join her.

Ben was miserable while we finished shopping and so was Jillian until I gave her my keys to play with. They both fell asleep on the way home. I won't be attempting that again any time soon.

Things That Go Bump, Woof, and Vroom Vroom in the Night

As a child of the 80's I've seen the Chucky movies and maybe that's why it get all freaked out when the kid's toys start playing in the middle of the night.

I'm a total night owl (which I'm sure is obvious since my blogs are always posted late). It's my peace and quiet time when Jeremy and the kids are all sleeping. Some days it's the only quiet time that I get so I cherish it!

During that time I'm usually in the living room using my laptop. I'm relaxed and soaking up the silence. Then it happens....."It's learning time" chimes the Laugh and Learn Puppy or "Vroom Vroom" as a certain toy car revs its engine. Now none of these toys are motion activated. They need to be touched in some way to be activated and yet these freaky toys just randomly turn themselves on and make noise...scaring me in the process. Totally freaks me out.

I must have a dark mind. Why can't I imagine something wonderful like that these toys are waiting for me to go to bed so that they can wake up and play a la Toy Story? Why must I imagine that they do this for some sinister reason.

Maybe I need to sleep more. But if I'm sleeping I can't enjoy the silence. So freaky toys scaring the crap out of me it is!

Why must they scream so loudly?

I love Ben. I really do but some days I feel like he is dangling dangerously from my last nerve! Today was one of those days. He was whiny and having temper tantrums practically from the moment his feet hit the floor this morning. I'm already not a morning person and waking up to whining is not my idea of a good way to start the day.

Some days he can just be outright defiant. He'll do something that he's not supposed to do so I'll tell him not to do it again. He'll look right at me and do it again. There are times when a punishment of some sort works. We put him in time out, send him to his room, take a toy or something away. I've even spanked him and I hate that I've done that. It didn't do any good anyway.

Today was just tantrum after tantrum and the afternoon got even worse. It's hard for me to fit in time to take a shower so I often end up taking one mid afternoon when the kids are napping. It works out great for the most part because then I can shower in peace. Well today the shower woke Ben up for some reason and he refused to go back to sleep. So he had a very short nap which threw him off for the rest of the day. This lead up to the temper tantrum to end all tantrums.

Seriously, I was ready for his head to spin and for green pea soup to spew from his little mouth. Who was this kid and why in the hell was he screaming bloody murder in the middle of my living room. I actually peeked out the windows a few times in fear that neighbors, police, the ambulance, and DYFS were ready to beat down my door in fear that we were harming him. No one was even touching him. This child screamed so loudly that I was afraid he'd really hurt himself.

He eventually calmed down though and there were only a few minor tantrums for the remainder of the day. I ran away to Walmart for a few a bit this evening ALL BY MYSELF! I contemplated living there like Natalie Portman in Where the Heart Is.

These tantrums leave me wondering.....is it possible that 3 year old boys suffer from PMS?

Dare I Say It?

I think Ben is potty trained. I'm almost afraid to type that out for fear that the second I think it and say it he'll regress for one reason or another. He's really been doing great though! He doesn't really have any accidents at home. He had a few last week at nursery school but I think it was because he was nervous about telling them he had to go. Plus their potty is bigger and someone has to hold onto him so his little tushy doesn't go for a swim!

We had our fair share of accidents at home for a few days. I was brave and went right for the big boy undies instead of doing Pull ups (we used those for nap and bedtime). I'm sure my carpet didn't appreciate it. This reminds me....I should write a thank you note to the Spot Shot company because that stuff rocks!

I didn't know what to do when he peed on the carpet. I didn't want to make him feel bad about it but it did start to get annoying. It's not like with a dog and you can just rub their face in it or something. Well I guess I could but that would ruin my chances at winning that "Mom of the Year" title I'm going for! Not to mention that would be a DYFS worthy call! So I cleaned it up and reminded him that "next time you have to pee pee on the potty because Elmo does not like to be peed on."

I'm so excited to be down to one kid in diapers! I hardly have to buy any because I mostly cloth diaper Jillian anyway! Can you say SAVINGS!

I can't believe how much my little guy is growing up though. He is so funny and smart. Even on days when he's dangling from my last nerve he never ceases to make me smile.

I tell him every night when he goes to bed "I love you to the moon and back." Tonight I laid with him to get him to sleep. He rolled over to face me and before I could say a word he put his sweet little hand on my cheek and said "I wuf you to the moon back Mommy" and then he kissed my forehead like I always do to him. Tears. I cried. I couldn't help it. I felt like that scene in The Grinch where his heart grew 2 sizes that day. I really thought mine might just explode right out of my chest.

Her very first painting

Well this is a little follow to the blog I posted last night. I must have jinxed myself because this morning little Miss Jillian took this whole Super Pooper thing to a another level.

Today she did her very first finger painting. Only instead of using her fingers she used her feet. Instead of paper she used the bottom part of her exersaucer and instead of paint she used POOP.

She woke up early this morning and wanted to eat so I fed her. After she finished eating I put her in her exersaucer because Ben had gotten up and wanted to eat. Jeremy was about to leave for work but I asked him to change her diaper first. I hear him say "Oh geez, there's poop everywhere!" I come over to look thinking surely he must be exaggerating. Nope. He could have said "OMG She's covered in poop, it's caked between her toes, smeared over the entire surface of her exersaucer and her legs are entirely covered in poop" and I still would have considered that an understatement.

He pulled her out and I went to go get the shower started because there aren't enough wipes in the world to take care of a mess like that. Jeremy undressed her and then I got into the shower holding her while Jeremy hosed her off. *note to self: clean shower today* Then while I got her dressed Jeremy got the fun job of cleaning the poop off of the exersaucer. I'm just so happy he was home to do it!

We make a great team that husband and I. Poop cleaners extraordinaire!

Super Pooper

I think most parents enjoy finding something that they can be proud of when it comes to their child. "My daughter gets perfect grades, my son can name all of the Presidents, blah blah blah." Well Jillian seems to specialize in pooping. Good grief. I'd like to have just one day that doesn't include scrubbing poop off of her, trying to keep the poop from getting everywhere, washing the resulting mess off of clothes and any surface she came into contact with and scrubbing myself from hand to elbow afterward.

Today she managed something new. She got poop in her belly button. Have you ever tried to get poop out of a belly button? If not, I wouldn't suggest trying it. Wipes took care of some of it. Wash cloth didn't help much. I ended up having to wet a Q-tip and swish it around in there. How many of you can say you have ever cleaned POOP out of a belly button using a Q-tip?

I've tried several brands of disposable diapers and we are now mostly using cloth diapers. The disposables are the worst but at least I can chuck the mess afterward. The cloth diapers leak a bit sometimes around the legs but keep poop from reaching the belly button level.

We've gotten to the point where Ben knows exactly what's happened. He sees me pick Jillian up and groan and he says "Jill pooped everywhere?" Then he comes over to hold her hands while I change her. This is a huge help because not only is Jillian a super pooper she's also a happy butt scratcher. The second the diaper is off she reaches down to scratch her behind! Sounds pretty funny right? Not when it means she sticks her hand right into the poop! So Ben holds her hands while I clean her up. I figure it beats baby handcuffs.

Well off to bed! I'm sure my day will begin tomorrow with more super poop (it's how we begin every day). I bet you're sitting there thinking "did I really just read a whole blog post about poop?" Yep, you did. You're welcome.

Feeling Empty

It's only Wednesday and I already feel like I have nothing more to give this week. It's been a rough week. I'm sitting here reflecting on the last few days and just thinking about what a crappy mom I've been this week. I've been impatient and not as much fun as I should have been. I've complained to much and complimented to little.

We've hardly seen Jeremy all week because all he's done is work. Sometimes he doesn't have a choice and sometimes the late hours are his own doing. I know he can't always help it but it leaves me feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.

I love my kids. I love them more than anything in this world but some days I feel like I'm at my breaking point. Then I end up feeling worse because I feel like a good mom wouldn't need or want a break from her kids.

Ben has another ear infection which has left him randomly grumpy, clingy and miserable. This of course also required another visit to the doctor. Seriously, I'm very tired of going there. I told the receptionist that she should just give us a weekly appointment because we've been there pretty much every week it seems for the last few months. Ben has to go back in 3 weeks to have his ears checked again. It is my goal to not have to go there for anything until then. I don't care if someone's toe falls off before then. We'll just tape that sucker back on and forget about it!

We started potty training this week which has resulted in 2 pees in the potty, pee on the carpet, pee on my chair, several pairs of pee soaked underwear and pants and a lovely little stinky present left in a pair of cute blue underwear. Potty training sucks.

I feel overwhelmed lately. I want to do more school type stuff with Ben but every time we do something gets us side tracked. The laundry is never ending and it's the same with vacuuming. I'm contemplating buying a Dust Buster and telling Ben it's a super awesome toy and encouraging him to see how many crumbs he can suck up with it. I doubt he'd fall for it though. That kid is a smart one.

Two more days until the weekend. I can do this. I hope.

Bye Bye Diapers! Hello Big Boy Undies!

A few months ago we started potty training. It went okay but not great and then we all got sick so potty training was put on the back burner. Then it was easy to find more reasons to keep putting it off. Potty training is frustrating and a lot of work. If Ben were still an only child it wouldn't be so hard but it seemed that he'd tell me he had to go as soon as I sat down to feed Jillian or when I was changing her diaper so I couldn't run him to the bathroom right away.

So today when he got up we ditched the diaper and put on the big boy undies. He was reluctant at first and I had to pull out all 10 million pairs of underwear that he has and talk about each one and let him pick one. He picked one with trucks on it (big surprise there!). Okay underwear is on...we're good to go!

I take him to the bathroom and he reluctantly sits on the potty. Nothing happens but at least he sat on it. All through the morning we took trips to go sit on the potty but none of them resulted in anything going INTO the potty. We didn't have any accidents at that point so at least that was good!

I had to put a Pull Up on him at nap time and he napped for several hours. As soon as he got up he went right into underwear. Made a potty stop. Nothing. Played for a few hours and watched some TV....still nothing. Jeremy calls to say he's going to be late. Great....Now I have to cook dinner while dealing with the kids.

I take Ben to the bathroom before I start cooking and he still won't go. I start cooking. Jillian is in her high chair and she starts fussing. I've got pancakes on the griddle and eggs on the stove and Ben is smashing trucks together scaring Jillian. I ask him to stop. Stop. STOP!!!!!!! He looks me straight in the eye and does it again. I send him to his room. He doesn't make it there. I hear him fall to the living room floor in a big pile of 3 year old drama and tears. Fine, he can stay there while I finish cooking before I burn something. Mere seconds later I hear a pitiful "Mommy." He comes back to the kitchen and I could tell by the look on his face that he had peed. He was made and went into the living room and peed on the carpet!

Lovely, now what? Do I turn everything off in the middle of cooking to go clean the pee out of the carpet? Do I leave it cooking while I clean the pee as fast as possible? Do I finish cooking while the pee soaks into the carpet? Don't forget that Jillian is still crying in her high chair!

I decide to finish cooking, send Ben for a new pair of underwear, have him take off the wet ones, help him into the new ones, clean up pee, wash hands, serve dinner. Jillian wouldn't stop fussing so I ended up having cold eggs and soggy pancakes for dinner. Yum.

We try going to the potty again but no luck. I decide to vacuum the living room which Ben hates. He sits on my chair clutching his blanket and suddenly I hear "uh oh." What now! He peed on MY chair. Finish vacuuming and clean pee off chair. Try potty again. He wants to keep sitting there because he really wants to poop and earn a new Hot Wheels car. I leave him there to take care of Jillian. He calls for me every 30 seconds to tell me he pooped.

Uh nope! No poop no car kid! Finally, after 25 minutes he peed! I danced like an idiot, high fived him, rewarded him with a sticker of his choice and 2 M&Ms. Then it was bedtime. The end of potty training for day 1. Thank goodness!

They have people who will train dogs. They should have people who will come to your house and potty train your kid. I'd pay for that. Seriously.

Toddler Tornado

My house. Oh my poor, poor house. I swear it looks like a trailer park after a tornado swept through. They name tropical storms and hurricanes but I have a tornado named Ben. He's pretty cute and funny but he sure does make a mess!

He is obsessed with toys that have wheels. Cars, trucks, motorcycles, construction vehicles...you name it he loves it! So my house is littered with vehicles (which is why it looks like a tornado swept through). I pick them all up and get them all nicely organized and then I blink and they're all over again. I swear the kid moves faster than the Tasmanian Devil (if you were a kid of the 80-90's you know who I mean).

I make attempts to clean throughout the day but as soon as I get started I get interrupted. Someone is hungry, someone is crying, someone has a dirty diaper, the phone rings. It's enough to make a woman want to scream some days!

I keep trying to remind myself that it's not filth (at least not most of it!) it's mostly just kid clutter. Eventually the kids will be older and I'll miss the days of having toys strewn throughout the house. I'm not sure I'll ever miss stepping on a Hot Wheels car in the middle of the night though.

Oh well. It's after 1 a.m now and both kids are actually sleeping (for now anyway). The living room is semi-clean. At least the big chunks have been picked up! I need to vacuum in the morning. I gave Ben two potato chips today and somehow he managed to get 10 chips worth of crumbs on the carpet. That kid is a magician I tell you! Maybe I should give him 2 dollars and see if he can make that multiply. Hmmm....

Three Years Ago Today

Three years ago today my biggest dream came true. I became a mom. Ben turned 3 (or "ree" as he'll tell you) today. As of 6:58 a.m I have a 3 year old!

I really have no idea where 3 years have went but it has been a wonderful time. I've watched him grow from a tiny baby into the rambunctious happy little boy he is today. When he was a baby he loved to lay cradled in my arms. There were times I'd hold him for hours that way and he'd sleep there contently. On Monday night he woke up with a high fever and he was shivering really hard. I cradled him in my arms just like I did when he was a baby. Only now I could only cradle from his head to his hip which left these long legs dangling down. It was nice to hold him like that again. As much as I love watching him grow and learn I do miss snuggling him in my arms for hours just breathing in his baby scent.

For a couple of years we weren't even sure we were going to be able to have kids and to be honest that was a pretty dark time in my life. I had always wanted to be a mother and the thought that that might not happen wasn't easy to live with. However, we were very happy to learn that we were expecting and it's been pretty much all happy days since then. He pulled me out of that dark time and for that I feel grateful to him.

I'm sitting here crying as I type this because really there are no adequate words to say what I want to say tonight. I love that little boy more than words could ever say. Our own birthdays are special to us (I just celebrated my own a few days ago) but I never realized that they are special to our moms as well until I had children of my own. Every year when we celebrate Ben's birthday I also celebrate the day that I became his mother. That is definitely worth celebrating.

It's been a great 3 year and I'm looking forward to many more years of watching my little guy learn and grow! Happy Birthday Benjamin Nicolas!

Why am I awake? Well I'll tell you!

It's 2 a.m and I'm still awake. Ben is sick with what seems to be a cold and now possibly pink eye. He fell asleep around 8:45 and by11:45 he had already woken up 5 times. He calls out "Mommy" is his sleepy pitiful voice and go lay with him to soothe him back to sleep and then I go wash my hands (have to be extra vigilant since he possibly has pink eye).

In between the first 5 times that Ben woke up Jillian woke up twice. They each woken up 2 more time since midnight. I haven't bothered going to sleep because I just know that the moment I reach that jumping off point between awake and asleep one of them will need me. It's happened before and I can assure you that it's no fun. It leaves me feeling all fuzzy brained and I lay there for a moment trying to figure out if the kids are really crying or if I'm just dreaming. Then reality slaps me awake and I go to whichever kid is crying.

I've realized that it's just easier to stay awake then it is to be yanked from sleep over and over again. Will I pay for it tomorrow? Absolutely! Is there much I can do about it? Nope. They're my kids and they need me (especially the poor sick one). There is nothing like a sick voiced "Moooommmmyyyy" to send you running to soothe the sickies away.

All that being said, after I finish posting this I think I might spend a few moments begging the universe to leave my kids alone for a bit. Over the last few months it's been one illness after another. I'm tired of visiting the doctor's office (even though the one doctor is hot in an older man kinda way and he reminds me a bit of George Clooney) and I feel so bad for the kids because I know it's no fun being sick and they aren't old enough to understand why they aren't feeling well.

I'm guessing tomorrow will bring about another call to the doctor and likely another office visit. We already have Ben's 3 year(that's right I said 3!!!!) visit scheduled for next week along with the ophthalmologist visit scheduled for Jillian.

I'm hoping that Ben will be feeling better in the morning and I'm desperately hoping that his eye is crust (yuck I know) free! Our long weekend is over which means Jeremy will be back to work and I'll be left to deal with this on my own.

Oh well.....tomorrow is another day.

3 and 30

In 3 days I will be 30 and one week from today Ben will be three. That makes me 10 times his age. Hmm...that's not a fun way to think about it.

I've been kind of in denial that both birthdays are coming. I've been party planning and yet trying to deny that both of us are about to have a birthday. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I know there's nothing really wrong with turning 30 but I'm kind of depressed about it for some reason. I guess it's because I remember being in high school and thinking that 30 seemed so old. It seemed a lifetime away and now it's here. Being 20 doesn't seem like that long ago really. That decade flew by so I'm figuring the next one will too which means *gulp* I'll be 40 (shh don't tell anyone).

Back to my little boy. He's going to be 3. For some reason I'm having a harder time accepting this than when he turned 2. At 2 he still seemed like a baby in many ways. I look back at the pictures from his birthday and his face was so much more baby like than it is now. Three just seems like a kid and not at all a baby anymore.

It's been a great 3 years though. I love that little boy more than I could ever find words to describe. He lights up every day of my life (even when I contemplate trading him for a good candy bar). He's so sweet, funny and smart and his smile and laughter make me so happy.

His last day of school was on Tuesday. Tomorrow is his school picnic and then that's it for the year. I can't believe he's finished a whole school year! Seriously, where is the time going?

Yep I'm one of "those" parents

There are so many things that you think you know before you become a parent and so many things that you swear you'll never do and things you'll swear you'll always do. Then you have a child and reality sets in.

I had seen 2, 3, and 4 year olds using pacifiers and I swore I'd never be one of "those" parents who'd allow a child that old to use a pacifier. Well reality smacked me over the head for that one. Ben will be 3 in a week and a half and he still uses one. Yes, really. He loves that stupid thing and hasn't willingly given it up. I was hoping that one day he'd just wake up and decide that he didn't want it anymore. I know, I crack myself up with this stuff.

I know I should take it away from him but I've been able to console myself with research articles showing that children generally have a need to suck until they are about 3 years old. Now not all children are like that and some probably have the need but have been denied.

Well now that Ben is about to turn 3 I've decided it really is time for the pacifier to go. I'm not sure how much he needs it now. I think it's used more out of habit than anything. It does bring him comfort which is why I haven't been able to bring myself to take it away from him yet. I have a hard time denying him something that comforts him and makes him happy. However, he's getting the age where he's learned other forms of comfort and I also don't want other kids to make fun of him.

Okay, I won't lie....I don't want other parents to make fun of ME. Yep, it's mostly about me and my level of discomfort/embarrassment over. I just feel like people are wagging their judgey little finger behind my back just like I used to do to other moms. Doing the wagging certainly is much more fun than being wagged at!

Tomorrow or the very latest on Tuesday I will make a trip to Walmart to purchase some cars from Cars the movie (which Ben is currently obsessed with). The "Binky Fairy" will be making a visit. We've already told Ben all about her. If he leaves his binkies under his pillow the "Binky Fairy" will come and take them away to give to a new baby and as a reward she'll leave him one car for each pacifier. He seems excited about this so we're going to bite the bullet and do it.

I foresee several tear filled sleepless nights in my future but I will be strong. I will be strong. I will be strong.....right? I'm such a sucker for that kids tears. Haha sucker.....get it? It's late and I'm tired. Nervous and tired. Wish us luck!

Remote Control for Life

Wouldn't it be great if life came with a remote control? I think the remote control is one of the best inventions ever but it would be nice if your life came with one.

Think about how wonderful it would be if you could pause or use slow motion on the really wonderful moments in life. Rewind would be great so that you could go back and revisit those wonderful moments anytime you wanted. What moments would you go back to revisit? I'd go back to my wedding day so I could enjoy it more. The day is such a blur for me because it was so exciting. I felt like I had so much to do though that I didn't take as much time to relax and it enjoy it as I should have. Plus, it's been nearly 10 years now so time has faded a few of the memories.

I'd also go back to the births of both of my kids. Even though I experienced intense physical pain on those days they were still 2 of the most amazing days in my life. The moments where I first gazed into their eyes would be a moment I rewind back to again and again.

There are other features on the remote that would come in handy. I mean, how great would it be to fast forward through sitting in traffic or through a boring meeting or work day. As a teenager you could fast forward through all of those annoying lectures from your parents!

The mute button would be pretty nice to have sometimes as well. I wouldn't mind having that button on days when the noise level in my house gets a little to intense for me. Today, for instance, Ben was having the mother of all meltdowns. Kicking. Screaming. Thrashing. He covered all bases! I could have hit the mute button and enjoyed some silence while he vented his frustration.

I find myself wishing more and more for the pause button though. It occurred to me tonight that in less than 2 weeks my baby boy is going to be three years old. How is that possible? Wasn't it just yesterday that he took his first steps, a week ago that he rolled over for the first time and a month ago that they first placed him in my arms? Where did 3 years go?

I love watching him grow and learn. I really do. But there are times when it occurs to me that with each new thing that he learns it means that he is growing to need me less and less. While I know that that is our ultimate goal as parents it's still an emotional thing to think about.

I still love my parents and need them in my life very much but I'm long past the days of snuggling in my mom's lap or having one of them scratch my back when I'm sick or sad to make me feel better. As a parent myself I know appreciate how special those moments are because I know they won't last forever. There will come a day when Ben won't want to sit on my lap any more. I'll miss that so for now I think I'll soak up as much of it as I can!

So, if anyone has any ideas on how to make this remote control thing happen let me know!

Sweet Potato Shower

Over the last few weeks Jillian has entered the wonderful world of solid foods. It's one of my favorite milestones even if that does seem weird. I love watching them taste things for the very first time. One of my funniest memories of when Ben was a baby was when he tried peas for the first time. Oh the looks he gave me! If looks can kill I surely would have been dead right there on my ugly kitchen floor.

Jillian has tried most of the basic baby foods so far. She likes the fruits and the orange veggies. She tolerates green beans but shares her brother's opinion on peas although she at least didn't look at me like I had completely betrayed her when I fed her the first bite.

Today for dinner she had sweet potatoes. She kept opening her mouth like a little birdie! I spooned those sweet potatoes in as fast as she would eat them. She was happy for the first time today. She's got a cold and I think her teeth are hurting so it hasn't been a very good day. Anyway, I was getting lots of sweet potato smiles! And then it happened. I got my very first sweet potato shower.

My beautiful, darling baby girl decided that it would be the perfect time to blow some raspberries at me. I spooned in a bite and *plllllbbbbbbttttttt* orange sweet potatoes EVERYWHERE! She even got some right in my eye. I cleaned myself off, cleaned her off and cautiously fed her another bite. Went right down without a mess! Good! Next bite ......good! Next bite *plllllbbbbttttt* and big smile! My little girl thinks she's a comedian! Anyone remember that comedian guy Gallagher? He would get on stage and make a giant mess by smashing watermelons and other stuff sending it spraying out over the audience. That's what it felt like!

Oh well, at least for a few minutes today I got to see her smile! Tomorrow will be a better day because if it isn't I quit!

On Top of Mount Laundry

The laundry....oh the laundry. There are four people in this house and the laundry never seems to end. I don't know how people with larger families do it! I feel like I'm being buried in and endless pile of laundry.

It would be so bad if all it involved was throwing in the washing machine but no it just can't be that simple. It's got to be sorted, washed, put into the dryer, taken out of the dryer, folded and put away. It's the putting away that really annoys me. I don't know why but it's one chore that I absolutely hate. If it were up to me I'd just keep the damn clothes in a laundry basket but then they end up getting wrinkled which just ends up adding on more work.

If I ever win the lottery the first thing I'm going to do is hire someone to do the laundry. I guess that means I'd actually have to play the lottery though.

Well I've done four loads today so I can take tomorrow off. I'd have a lot less laundry to do if it weren't for Jeremy. He goes through more clothes than anyone in the house. Even the messy toddler dirties less clothes than he does. He wears an outfit to work, changes when he gets home and then usually wears pajama pants or shorts to bed plus a towel for his shower. I could do a load of his clothes every 2 days. I wash the kids clothes about twice a week and my own about once a week plus at least 2 loads of towels and a load of sheets and/or blankets.

I'm not sure which works harder....me or the washing machine. That washing machine sure earns its keep!

Why do I do this to myself?

It's after midnight. Both kids and Jeremy are sleeping. I should be sleeping as well and yet here I sit. I have a really hard time getting my mind to wind down for the night. Brains should come with an "on/off" switch. Well, maybe some people do have that switch because I know a few people who seem to be operating with theirs stuck in the off position.

Anyway, Jillian's nose is all stuffy so she's sleeping in her swing and snoring very loudly. This means I'll be bunking on the couch which is actually okay with me because this couch is very comfortable and I actually have an easier time waking up in the morning when I'm on the couch versus being in bed.

Back to the reason I can't get to sleep. I really can't shut my brain off. I lay down, close my eyes and then frantic thoughts pop into my head. "Oh crap! I forgot to put the laundry into the dryer." This means I'll either have to rewash it in the morning because otherwise it'll be stinky or I have to get up and put the laundry in the dryer. If I put the laundry in the dryer I don't like to go to sleep until it's done because I don't like to leave a dryer completely unattended. Especially one that sometimes gives me trouble. Once in a while things get stuck between the drum and the front of the dryer (this especially happens with little buttons on Jillian's clothes). When that happens I have to go fix it because I don't want to cause a fire. So then I sit here waiting for the clothes to dry and stew about the stupid dryer which makes me annoyed with Jeremy because I've asked him for months now to see if he can figure out what is wrong with it.

Once I settle down again other random thoughts pop into my head. "I have to call that place about that thing tomorrow" (insert daily random thing here), "I have to pick up X,Y and Z from the grocery store," "I really need to try to get that stain out of the carpet," "Oh yeah I have to buy carpet cleaner solution," "I wonder if the kids will nap at the same time tomorrow so I can mop the kitchen floor," "I washed clothes for Jeremy and for the kids but I don't have any clean clothes left, guess I better do that in the morning." That last one brings me full circle. It always seems to start and end with laundry. Story of my life.

Mother's Day

Today was my first Mother's Day as a mommy of two. It was pretty low key and that was okay with me. Jeremy had off for the day so it was nice to have help with the kids and I got to take an almost completely uninterrupted nap which was wonderful. I got a beautiful picture frame that says "Love You Mom." It was a really sweet gift but I have to be honest when I say that I actually can't wait to get more of the type of gifts that they make in school. I love stuff like that. Ben did make a little project in school with his foot print on it that was really cute.

It still seems so weird to me to be able to celebrate Mother's Day. Before Ben was born I remember being somewhat depressed on Mother's Day. I enjoyed celebrating it with my own mom but I always wondered if I'd have the chance to celebrate it myself. At that point I really wasn't sure it was ever going to happen. So because of that I guess it still seems somewhat surreal to me.

I have two amazing and beautiful children and they truly are the best gifts I've ever received. I often look at them in awe and find it hard to believe that they are mine. I'm a mom, their mom. How awesome is that?

Some days it really hits me that being a mom is the most important job that I'll ever have in life. I'm responsible for these two little people. It's up to me (and Jeremy) to teach them not only the academics that they'll need but also life skills, how to be good people, how to love, trust and respect others. It's quite overwhelming to think of it in those terms. I worry sometimes that I'll skip an important lesson somewhere and scar them for life! So far though this whole Mommy thing seems to be going well. My kids are happy, healthy and beautiful. Ben is the most incredibly loving little boy that I could ever imagine. He loves his sister so much that seeing with her is enough to nearly make my heart burst. Jillian and I have such a strong bond already. It doesn't matter who is holding her because she always seems to seek me out. Her eyes lock with mine and she smiles like she's just happy to know that I'm there.

Today was a good day and I look forward to spending a lifetime of Mother's Days loving my kids.

Lost: If Found Please Return

I've apparently misplaced the last 6 months. If you happen to find them I'd appreciate their return and I'll gladly reward you!

I'm not quite sure what happened. I blinked at some point and the next thing I knew 6 months were gone. That's how long it's been since Jillian was born (6 months and almost 4 days to be exact). According to the calendar that's how long it's been but that's sure not what it feels like. It doesn't feel like it could be any more than just a couple of weeks maybe two months at most.

How did this happen? How did my little baby girl turn into a the baby with 2 new teeth. How did she become the baby that can roll halfway across the living room? How is it possible that I've looked at that beautiful face every day for the last 6 months and my heart has exploded yet? I feel like it might explode every time I look at her or her brother.

I feel like at this rate by this time next year she'll be 18! I wish life came with a remote control. That way I could pause things for a little while or rewind back to the special moments any time I want. Of course I also wouldn't mind being able to fast forward occasionally. I would love to have a fast forward button during one of Ben's temper tantrums!

If anyone happens to find the last 6 months please contact me! I'd really like to know where it went.

Teething Time!

For the last few days Jillian has been a bit fussy (which is unusual for her) and she's been waking a lot at night. I figured it was probably a growth spurt because she has been eating more. Teething didn't really occur to me. When Ben was teething he'd always get red rashy cheeks and Jillian hasn't had anything like that.

I was getting frustrated with the fussing yesterday and felt around in her mouth and NOTHING. Her gums didn't look any different than they did over the last few weeks. Just for the heck of it I checked again this morning and again NOTHING.

Well tonight I gave her a bath and she was fussing afterward which is really unusual for her. She loves bath time and is usually all smiles during and after her bath. So I stuck my finger in her mouth again and BAM! TOOTH! Where'd that sucker come from? I felt it though in all it's jagged toothy glory!

At first I danced her around all excited about my discovery! I covered her in kisses and told her that she really was a big girl now. Wait....what? A big girl now? How can that be? Didn't I JUST bring her home from the hospital? Then came the tears. Jeremy looked at me like I was nuts but I couldn't help it.

I wish life came with a pause button or at least a button to turn things to slow motion. Both kids are really just growing up to fast! Make it stop. The milestones are so much fun and they are exciting but they are also a little bittersweet.

So now of course everyone is curious about how nursing will go now that she's teething. As far as I know most women don't have any problems so I guess we'll see.

The Mommy Wars

One of the morning shows (Good Morning America or The Today Show) did a story about this this morning. I knew exactly what they meant because they were talking about online mommy wars. We often hear about cyber bullying involving teens but surprisingly (or maybe not surprisingly) it often occurs between grown women and those grown women are most often moms.

I'm part of several online groups. It's part of what helps keep me from losing my mind. I love being home with the kids but I do need some adult interaction and that's how I get it! Anyway, in the years that I've been a part of the online community I've seen my fair share of mama drama. (I may or may not have taken part on occasion....I admit nothing).

Unfortunately, there are moms out there who seem to enjoy cutting other moms down in order to make themselves feel better. They practically beat other moms over the head with their opinions and judgments. It can be tough on a postpartum mom especially. I know I've been guilty of it a time or two and now I really try harder to watch what I say. Being a mom isn't easy and I don't want to make it harder for anyone.

I have to admit though that I tend to become Judgey McJudgerson when it comes to certain things. There are some things that I'll just never understand. I don't understand when people just let their babies cry to try to teach them a lesson. I am by no means a perfect mom but my kids know when they cry that I'll be there. It doesn't matter if it's the middle of the night. It's my job and my pleasure to soothe away the bad dreams, nurse them through a fever or hold them just because they need to be held. Yes, I do believe babies and young children NEED to be held just like they need to eat and sleep.

I also feel myself channeling Judge Judy when people are extremely harsh with their children and expect more from them then they should. There are so many people who seem to be in such a rush for their children to grow up. Hence the rush to force them to sleep through the night, hold their own bottle (don't get me started on bottle propping) and start solid foods. Babies are little for such a short time. I don't understand when moms don't want to soak up that baby time.

I know that no matter what I do I'll screw up in some way or another. We all do. Then once the kids are teenagers we can't do anything right! I have enough of my own mommy guilt so I don't need another Mommy adding to that and I don't need to add to it for anyone else either.

Being a mom is such a special thing. It's a shame that it often turns into a competition.

A Whine About Whining

Yes, you read that title correctly. I am about to whine about whining. You, however, are very lucky. If you don't want to read my whining you can click that awesome little red X at the top of your screen and *POOF* the whining goes away. Unfortunately for me, kids don't come with that handy little red X. There's no magic button on a child to make them stop whining. Believe me I've tried to find one.

Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (if you've never read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day you should definitely check it out). It started out okay. Jillian was smiling and laughing which never fails to put a smile on my face even early in the morning when I'm still clearing sleep crust from my eyes. Ben was cuddly and happy. The three of us snuggled on the couch to watch Handy Manny (which is much less annoying than Caillou).

Then the whining started. First it was for a snack. No problem, he'd eaten breakfast and was still hungry. I don't let him have junk early in the morning so I suggested some healthy snacks. This resulted in him yelling "No mama" over and over again until I wanted to grab the nearest kitchen utensil and puncture my ear drums. I finally got him to agree to a cheese stick. *Score one for me and the Polly-O company* He inhaled the cheese stick and then played for a while. I made the mistake of thinking all was good.

It was time for the baby to nap and even though it was early yet Ben was ready to nap as well. He wanted me to lay with him so we all snuggled up in his bed and I nursed Jillian. She fell asleep and he was almost asleep. Then she woke up after 2 minutes which got him all irritated. I took her to the living room and he refused to stay in bed. Fine. I nursed her some more and she was sound asleep...or so I thought. She suddenly popped her eyes open and turned her head towards me and smiled as if to say "haha Mommy I fooled you."

Ben finally napped and Jillian continued to refuse. I fed her and fed her and she was still fussing. I finally decided to try some brown rice cereal. This was pretty much her first time having solids. Well she scarfed that stuff down like you wouldn't believe and was much happier afterward. She fell asleep for about 20 minutes and was then wide awake again.

Ben had speech therapy today and it went well at first. He fell apart the last 15 minutes though. Even his therapist noticed his total attitude change. So he spent the last bit of therapy time in his bed crying because I sent him there. The whole afternoon just went downhill from there. Everything was a battle that turned into a fit of whining.

When Jeremy walked through the door he barely made it to the living room when I said "Hi, I'm clocking out for a break. If anyone so much as touches the bedroom door I may have to divorce you." I laid down and was asleep in minutes. I needed that.

The evening didn't go any better. Even Jeremy, who is Mr. Laid Back, had lost his patience with Ben. We finally sent him to bed at 7:45 which is early for him but we just couldn't take it anymore. Jillian was good this evening though. I gave her a bath which is one of her favorite things. She just lays there staring up at me and smiling. Ben has already woken up whining once. We'll see how the rest of the night goes.

I think I'll move to Australia. (again read the above mentioned book)

Nap Time...Oh Glorious Nap Time

I love my children. I love cuddling with them on the couch every morning. I love getting them dressed and ready for the day. I love playing games and attacking them with the "tickle bug." I even love making lunch for Ben (except when he picks something, I make it and then he refuses to eat). I also love nap time.

Some days they both nap at the same time. Actually most days their naps at least overlap some. There are days when I try to take a nap during their nap time. That rarely works out though but when it does I crash on the couch or better yet I nap with Ben. He is a good nap buddy. He's such a snuggle bug.

Most days though I try to get something to eat and I get some uninterrupted non guilty computer time. I usually do some laundry or get a few of the quieter chores done. I can't do anything noisy because both of them are light sleepers so anything that makes much noise is out of the question.

I have to admit that I do look forward to nap time. The hardest thing for me when it comes to being a mom is the noise level. I've never done well with lots of noise. I've never even been the type who likes to blast music. I don't like loud parties and loud places. For some reason it makes me feel panicky and that's actually something I've never really admitted to anyone other than my husband. Concerts I can usually handle but even then by the end I'm usually very ready for it to be over. Working in classrooms was hard for me too because of the noise that 20-some young children can create.

So once nap time rolls around my brain and my ears are ready for a break. I feel the same way at night by the time everyone goes to bed. Once they all go to sleep (Jeremy included) I turn off the TV and just soak up the silence. It's the quietest time of the day and I need that.

Nap time should be ending in a few minutes. I can hear both of them stirring. I'm ready for the flurry of activity that will follow though. Waking up from naps usually brings demands for diaper changes and snacks. Then the count down to Daddy coming home begins!

Things No One Tells You

When you're pregnant everyone loves to chime in their 2 cents giving you lots of advice. Some of it's useful, some is completely outdated and some makes you think "umm no thanks I wouldn't want my kid to turn out like yours." Even with all of that advice (most of it unsolicited) there are so many things no one ever tells you.

For instance no one ever told me that when my kid was sick or hurt I'd desperately wish that I could take the pain instead or that the worry I felt may actually cause me physical pain and illness.

No one ever really described the fierce protection I would feel for my children. It's almost animalistic in nature.

I was never told that I'd never sleep as soundly as I did before I had children. Now one ear stays awake listening for a middle of the night cry or cough.

No one ever told me that I'd turn into one of "those" parents who thinks that their kid is the most super awesome creature to ever walk the planet. For those of you who don't know my kids really are the most awesome and amazing creatures to ever walk the planet (okay well Jillian doesn't walk yet but you get the point).

No one told me that the sight of my child sleeping peacefully or accomplishing something for the very first time would often bring me to tears.

They forgot to tell me about the internal tug of war that would go on inside me when it comes to letting my children grow up and assert some independence. On one hand I love watching their sense of accomplishment and it feels good knowing that they are growing and learning but on the other hand I know that with each step they take it's one more step away from being my baby.

The other thing that no one ever told me is how being a mother would make me feel so much more compassion for other mothers. Stories of sick children or children who have died have always made me sad. Now when I hear those stories not only do I think of the child but one of my first thoughts is "that poor mother."

I've been wondering why no one ever told me these things. I think maybe it's because there are no adequate ways to describe them. There is no way to fully describe the fierce love that I feel for my children. It's really something that you have to experience for yourself.

It's a Two Blog Night

Siblings

I've never really known how to answer when people ask me how many siblings I have. Generally, I answer that I have one but that's not really the truth. I have two. I'm actually the middle child but I didn't grow up that way. I had a sister but never got to meet her. She died before I was born and my daughter is now named after her. It was kind of my way of getting a little piece of her back. If Angels really do exist I hope that my sister is one and that she is watching over her little namesake.

I wish I had had a chance to meet my sister. I've only seen pictures though and I actually think my daughter looks a bit like her. Both of my kids have her forehead. Sounds weird but it's true. I always find myself wondering what she'd be like and if we'd have been close. I have a brother too and he and I are quite a bit different so I wonder if she would have been more like me or more like him or perhaps completely different as well. I love my brother and he's an awesome little brother but we don't spend much time together because we are at very different places in our lives. He's super busy with work and church and I'm busy with the kids and husband. I love him though and think of him a lot even when we haven't caught up with each other lately.

I was in JC Penneys yesterday and saw a bib that said "My Auntie loves me." I felt kind of sad when I saw it because my kids don't really have an aunt. They'll never know my sister just like I never knew her. Jeremy's brother has a wife who technically speaking is their aunt but she barely qualifies as a human being let alone an aunt and has never really even met either of my children. Anyway, I was actually tempted to buy the bib because I like to think that if my sister had lived that she would have loved them just like I like to think that if she had lived she would have loved me and I would have loved her.

I've always thought about her and anyone who has known me since I was a kid knows that I've always planned to name my first daughter Jillian after my sister. That's part of the reason that I wanted a girl so badly. Now that I have my own little Jillian I find myself thinking of my sister more often. I think about it a lot actually. Maybe if she had lived I wouldn't exist but I tend to not think of it that way. I find myself wondering why I was robbed of having my older sister and why my parents were robbed of being able to watch their first born daughter grow up. As a parent myself now that idea hits me even harder. I always knew that what they had to have gone through was really hard but now that I have my own kids the loss that my parents went through is enough to make my heard break into a million pieces.

So I think if anyone else ever asks me how many siblings I have I may change my answer. Instead of saying one I'll say "I have two. One in the flesh and one who lives in my heart." Even though I never met her I do feel that she lives in my heart.

It Hurts My Mommy Heart

I complain about my kids. Everyone knows that. I think most parents complain about their kids at some point or another. Sometimes, as a parent, we have a bad day and need to vent a little. I do it and completely understand when other people do it.

I even affectionately name call. I call both of them Stinker or StinkyPants when they need a diaper change. I've referred to them as Cranky or said they have their CrankyPants on when they were having a cranky day. That's pretty much as far as I'll take the name calling though.

Recently, I've seen more than one person referring to their children as "assholes," "bitch" and a "little jerk." There was another name but it was pretty specific so I won't mention it here but it and the others really made me cringe. It's not like I've never used those words. I've used those words in reference to people before but never in reference to a child and certainly never in reference to my own child. Hearing or reading someone refer to their child that way just really hurt my "mommy heart."

Do I have bad days? Of course. Do my children drive me crazy some days? You betcha! (make sure you read that with a Sarah Palin accent) Do I vent about them and complain when I'm having a bad day? You're darn right. However, I absolutely draw the line at name calling like that.

Technology is awesome. Except when it's not. For me I have FaceBook, my mom's message board and of course this super nifty blog and they're all great places to vent my frustrations to people who can offer a bit of comfort, advice or some other thing that makes me feel better. While these electronic outlets can be wonderful they can have a huge disadvantage. Once you put something out there you can't get it back. So that day that your toddler flushed your phone down the toilet and then wiped his chocolate covered face all over your couch and you go and blast him on the internet calling him an asshole will be out there forever. Said "asshole" child may even find it on his or her own some day. I can't imagine finding out that my parents had said something like that about me.

The insults that I read earlier that were made in reference to young children (and I do mean YOUNG) just really felt like they socked me in the gut. It also made me realize that I really should be careful when I complain about my own children because even though I'd never refer to them that way I also wouldn't want them to grow up and think that all I ever did was complain when they were bad. I want them to know how much the good things meant to me as well. So I'll definitely make a conscious effort to post more about those things.

Some days....

Some days I don't feel like a very good mom. I complain about the kids and I let the stress get to me. I don't always have the patience with them that I should and I really need to do better.

I love staying home with them but there are days that I feel like I'd give anything to get out of the house alone for 8 hours. Most days I love being home with them but there are days when I don't. This week has been rough with both of the kids being sick. I'm so lucky to be able to be the one home to hold and comfort them instead of having to send them to daycare but sometimes it wears me down.

When they are sick like this I can't seem to keep everyone happy at the same time. Then I end up feeling guilty and worn out. It doesn't help that Jeremy also has a cold. That means that other than for work he doesn't really function. Last night I had to take dinner out to play because Jeremy didn't feel up to it. The baby was sleeping so I asked him to make dinner while I played out with Ben. I came back in and he hadn't cooked anything because he said he didn't know what to cook. So I cooked dinner. Then I did the dishes and several loads of laundry. All the while I was getting interrupted by both kids. I gave both of them a bath and got them ready for bed. I changed the sheets on our bed. You know what he did while I did all of this? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Now I know he didn't feel good and it's not like I expected him to run a marathon or to even do all of the things he'd normally do in an evening. What I didn't expect was for him to do nothing. I don't have that option when I'm sick. I've been really sick twice since having Jillian. Luckily I have great parents who help me out but that still doesn't mean I can lay around and do nothing. They may take Ben for me but they can't take the baby. They would but they can't because I nurse her so obviously they can't help with that!

*Skip this paragraph if you don't want to hear gross stuff* The last time that I was sick I was vomiting and had it coming out the other end. I had to have the baby sitting in her bouncy seat in the bathroom with me so I couldn't comfort her while I waited to puke or while I regathered my energy to get up after puking. I had to nurse her while I went to the bathroom. Good thing she's not old enough to remember that.

I'm a mom though and that's my job. I don't know why it isn't always the same for Dads. I know what you're thinking....Susan was just playing martyr right? Nope. He knew I was annoyed and he knew why I was annoyed. I did ask him for help. I didn't do it all and then complain later. I asked him to give Ben a bath (he was covered in dirt). He said "it's not bath night" (he usually gets a bath every other night). I told him that he was covered in dirt. Not to mention that Ben was on the floor having a temper tantrum because he wanted a bath. But no. He was not to be disturbed apparently. So I gave him a bath. Once his hair and body were washed I let him play in the tub while I cleaned the bathroom.

Jeremy went to bed as soon as Ben was asleep and I followed behind not to long after. I nursed Jillian back to sleep but she kept waking up coughing. So I kept her in bed with me so I could sit her up. She fussed and fussed. Finally around 3:30 I sat her up to try burping her some more. Bad idea. She pooped. A lot. Everywhere. It required Jeremy's help whether he wanted to or not. I had to hold her at arms length while he got a towel to lay her on while I stripped her clothes. Then he held her out while I showered her off. Then he went back to sleep. I finally got her back to sleep around 4 and she was awake again at 4:45 to eat. Then again at 6. Ugh.

Wow I feel better getting all of that out. Both kids are still sick but Ben seems a lot better. He's playing more and has more energy. He still doesn't have much of an appetite but we're working on it. Jillian has a cold and the poor thing coughs a lot and is all stuffy. I have to use the booger sucker which is no fun for either of us. That thing is like torture.

Anyway, I know things will get better. They won't be little and as needy forever and I'll end up looking back and missing these days. So I'm going to do my best from now on to appreciate each day for what it brings. The good and the bad. I'm very lucky and I should appreciate that more than I do.

A Mommy Divided

Ben got sick at the end of last week. He had been perfectly fine but then I guess the germs must have smelled the holiday weekend and beautiful weather coming and decided it would be the perfect time to infect my sweet little boy. It started with a slight cough and a fever and then BAM pneumonia. How it happened I still don't know. His fever shot up high enough to worry me and the Doctor. We ended up taking him to the ER Friday night and they decided to admit him because he needed some oxygen. It was late at night and the poor baby was so tired. I felt awful for him. I had to take Jillian with me because Jeremy needed some sleep for work the next day and I had to be with her anyway to feed her. So my wonderful Mom went with us.

When they decided to admit him they said that I could stay with him but the baby couldn't. Well that doesn't really work for me. Jeremy was scared to keep her alone with him at home all night because sometimes he still isn't quite sure what to do with her plus even though she'll take a bottle she sleeps better when she can nurse to sleep. I felt like I wanted to tear myself in half. I didn't want to leave Ben in the hospital without me even though Jeremy would be with him but I didn't want to leave Jillian either. I've never really had to choose between my kids before and it's not a position I ever want to be in again.

So Jeremy stayed with Ben and I took Jillian home when they took Ben to a room around 3 a.m. I slept for a bit and headed back to the hospital first thing in the morning. I walked into the room and my big boy looked so tiny in that bed. He only whined when I walked in. He didn't try to get up or anything. He was so pitiful. I handed off the baby and went to lay with him for a while. He snuggled up and went to sleep.

We later found out that they would have let me and the baby stay but the ER people forgot to tell us. I was so mad! They let us all stay Saturday night probably because there weren't many patients and Sunday was Easter. The Easter Bunny had to visit at the hospital so it wasn't a whole lot of fun and certainly not what I had planned for Jillian's first Easter but at least we were all together.

Ben is home now and doing a bit better. He wears out easily but played outside for a little while today. I knew it would wear him out but the fresh air is good for him. Now Jillian seems to be sick and Jeremy is sick and has a fever. Both kids must have been having tummy trouble today because they filled diaper after diaper. In Jillian's case she also covered the couch. That was a fun start to the day. Being a mom is wonderful but it sure can be gross sometimes.

I've said this to other people before and I stand by my statement....I think Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs should have to be a mom to little kids for a day. It's the dirtiest job ever! Boogers, pee, poop, slobber, vomit, and other unknown substances. Fun times man fun times.

Where did my baby boy go?

Over the last few months Ben has finally started talking more. Now over the last few days it's been a vocabulary explosion. I've been working really hard with him. Between that and his therapies it seems to be helping. The vocabulary alone makes him seem so much more grown up.

It's not just the words though. He's becoming so much more independent and playing more like an older kid. Today he completely undressed himself. He's been able to get pants, diaper and socks off for a while but for the first time today he got his shirt off. Then he ran to his room and started getting clothes out. He said "I dessed" meaning he wanted to get dressed.

Later he got on all fours and crawled around the house barking and saying "I dog." He's loved his cars for a long time now but now he's much more interactive with them. He even names them. He'll park one and say "oh Mama home." Then he does the same thing with other cars and calls them Dada, Jill, RJ and whoever else pops into his head.

It's so amazing to watch this progression but it's a little sad too. It's like each day a little more of my baby slips away. I know that's how it's supposed to go but it still makes me a bit sad. He sure is fun right now though. He makes me laugh every single day. My poor parents probably get tired of me because I'm always calling to tell them the latest Ben story. The one from tonight was hilarious but I'll keep that one to myself because it would be potentially embarrassing for him some day.

Well it's time to feed the baby that is actually still my baby and to peek in on my baby who isn't quite my baby any more.

They love you anyway

Kids seem to have this amazing ability to do something that few others can. They love you no matter what. They don't care that you aren't dressed in the top fashions, they don't care that you don't drive an expensive car, they don't care if your hair is a mess and that you don't have any makeup on. They just love you plain and simple.

Even on the days when I've lost my patience with Ben and haven't taken the time with him that I should he loves me anyway. I experienced that today. Jillian had a doctor's appointment for her 4 month checkup. She got several shots and was not a happy baby later at home. She screamed for well over an hour. She's normally pretty easy to soothe but this time she was inconsolable. I had tried everything I could think of and finally called the doctor's office. I was on the phone with the nurse while Jillian was literally screaming in my other ear. I was absolutely at my breaking point. Of course Ben picked that exact moment to start shaking his cup in my face yelling at the top of his lungs "more juice mama more juice" and he repeated it over and over again. I told him to please wait a minute. He kept asking and just yelled louder and louder. I got off the phone with the nurse and yelled at Ben. He ran to his room in tears and right away I wished I could take it back. I know he was probably just as frustrated by the baby's crying as I was and I wasn't fair to him.

I apologized and got him his drink. The rest of the day continued to be tough. Ben was a particularly active 2 year old today. The noise level in the house was more than I could take. I was on the edge. I was tired and stressed. I wasn't nearly as patient with him today as I should have been.

Then bedtime rolled around and all I could think was "finally, some peace and quiet." Normally, Jeremy puts Ben to bed because I'm often feeding the baby. Lately though, Ben has wanted me to read to him instead of Jeremy. Tonight was no exception. He seemed to forget all about my rotten Mommy moments from today. He grabbed 2 books and my hand and lead me to his room. He happily snuggled up next to me and we read. After the stories were over he snuggled up and put his forehead to mine. He reached up and stroked my cheek as I've done so many times to him. At that moment it was so very clear to me that he loves me. He loves me in spite of my flaws. He loves me even when I'm not the very best mom that I should be. I love that little boy. I love him much more than I ever thought I could love and in more complex ways than I ever thought were possible.

One of Those Days

Ben got sick again this weekend and threw up for his very first time ever. I've always hated puke but for some reason this didn't bother. I think it's because all I was worried about was making sure he was okay and trying to comfort him. Poor baby was so scared.

He seemed better today and finally got his appetite back somewhat. However, he was incredibly whiny today. He normally does very well when I have to comfort Jill or feed her but today every time I held her he whined. He whined all.day.long.

I had Jeremy give him a bath and put him to bed early tonight because I just couldn't take it anymore. Between the two of them today I thought I'd lose my mind.

Jeremy and I were going to go to a movie yesterday but we didn't because Ben was sick. Now that he's better we're going to try to go tomorrow. This will be the first time we'll have gone anywhere without at least one kid since Jillian was born.

My parents are going to watch the kids. I'm so grateful but I'm nervous too. It'll be the first time that I've left her other than to run to the store for a few minutes and even then she was home with Jeremy. I know they'll take good care of her but being separated from her makes me feel a little panicky.

I really need the break though. Really.

Weekends

Why do weekends always pass so quickly? I don't even work outside the home and yet I always look forward to the weekends, especially the ones when Jeremy isn't on call. It's just nice when we have some uninterrupted family time. It's also nice to have an extra pair of hands for a while. Plus I know Ben misses his Dad while he's at work so it's good for them to get some time together. Jillian is too young to really care either way I think. As long as her food source (me) is present that's all she really cares about!

Tomorrow will be Monday again and with that comes taking Ben back and forth to school a few times, several speech therapy appointments and all of the housecleaning and laundry that I put off over the weekend. It also means not being able to get even a little bit of time to sleep in.

Oh well 5 more days until the weekend!

I Always Knew

I always knew that I wanted to be a mom. Being "mommy" to my dolls was one of my favorite things to do. I also had a great mom so I knew I wanted to be like her.

I got married pretty young...at least by today's standards. I was 20 and Jeremy was 25. This year we'll be celebrating our 10th anniversary so obviously it worked for us. Since I was young we weren't worried about having kids right away. I was going to college and we were both working. We enjoyed our time together and since he already had a child that fulfilled my need to have a child around even though she wasn't with us full time.

After a few years I received some medical news that made it look like it may not be possible for me to have children. I was devastated. Much more so than I think I ever let on. We eventually started to try anyway and month after month it didn't happen. I felt broken. I remember telling Jeremy that he should just leave me and that I wouldn't blame him for it. He didn't though. He was there for me every step of the way and for that I will always be grateful.

After 2 years we had finally stopped trying. I was going through a particularly bad time because I'd been to about 5 baby showers within a few weeks. By the last 2 I was pregnant but didn't even know it. I finally got pregnant and I was so happy! That beautiful little miracle is now a happy go lucky 2 1/2 year old.

That happy go lucky 2 1/2 year old also has a 3 month old sister! That's right it happened again! I have to beautiful and amazing children and every day I look at them and think about how incredibly lucky I am to have them.

Right now Jillian is asleep right next to me and she is so unbelievably beautiful and peaceful. I sit here watching her little belly rise up and down with each breath. I watch her eyelids flutter from time to time and wonder what experience in her 3 months she is dreaming about. Her little hand is curled beneath her chin...it's the hand that I held and she fell asleep. She has beautiful dark eyelashes and I wonder if they'll stay that way like her brother's. There is truly nothing more peaceful than a sleeping baby.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mom.

Being outnumbered

Jeremy had to go away for a few days. This leaves me outnumbered day and night until he gets back! It's not so bad during the day because I'm used to that. I have some "I want to rip my hair out" moments and occasional "I want to smash my head into the wall moments" but other than that things are usually pretty good. That being said though by the time 5 pm rolls around I'm ready for Jeremy to be home to give me a hand. Luckily, he's a great husband and a great dad and he just jumps right in to help with whatever I need.

Dinner is usually the biggest challenge. Ben tends to get whiny around that time and Jillian almost always seems to be awake then. So he usually wrangles the kids while I cook. Then I kid wrangle while he cleans up. We're a good team!

Bedtime is hard when it's only me because Ben likes someone to lay with him which is usually Jeremy because I'm taking care of the baby. So on nights when it's just me I either have to wait until Jillian goes to sleep or I have to lay in bed with her and Ben and hope she's quiet enough for him to fall asleep.

I honestly don't know how military wives do it when their husband is deployed. Often they are also far away from family. I'm lucky that my parents are close by and very helpful. Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without them! I really can't imagine Jeremy being away for months or even a year or more at a time. Just knowing that he'll be gone for 3 days makes me miss him. :(

In Need of a Break

I love being a mom. It's the best thing I've ever done with my life and I have no regrets about having kids. They are amazing and I love them more than words could ever say. Only another parent could really understand that.

As much as I love them there are days where I really could use a break. We had been in the house since Thursday and today is Monday. We had a ton of snow so we couldn't really go anywhere. Jeremy had to work Friday and all day Sunday so Sunday he wasn't around to help with the kids at all.

Jillian hasn't been sleeping well and now refuses her pacifier at night and wants to use me instead. This leads to me being woken up every 1/2 hour or so. I've been desperate for some sleep but haven't even managed to get them to nap at the same time so I could take at least a quick nap too.

Today we did get out of the house. It was nice but it is a lot of work to take two little ones out alone. We went to the doctor's office for a quick baby check up. While we were there Ben needed a time out because he wouldn't stop getting into everything. So when the Dr walked in Ben was sitting in a chair crying his eyes out. He redeemed himself though and was extra cute in the grocery store when we stopped there on the way home. Of course he fell asleep in the car which led to no real nap which led to everything going downhill from there.

We made some Valentine's cards for his grandparents and his teacher and he kept trying to write on the table but we had fun anyway. After that he needed a nap but refused to take one. I fed the baby and got her to sleep and decided to make dinner. I made lasagna with meat just for Jeremy because I know he loves it. He's been working hard and I wanted to make him something nice. I get started and not 5 minutes into Jillian wakes up. She won't settle back down so I have to finish while she cries like crazy. Meanwhile, Ben is getting into everything and whining. Jeremy finally walks in the door and goes to walk the dog. I feed Jillian so she goes back to sleep, finish up dinner and put it in the oven. Then Jeremy's phone goes off and he's off to work again. That phone rings and he goes running no matter what is going on at home that moment.

Ben has a complete meltdown when his Daddy leaves again so I sent him into his room where he falls asleep. Dinner was ready so I sit down by myself to eat some lasagna. I got the fork halfway to my mouth and Jillian wakes up. So I eat one handed while holding her in the other. She kept fussing so I gave up and walked away from the table still hungry.

Ben heard Jillian crying so he woke up crying. I finally get Jillian back to sleep and work on settling Ben down. He didn't want to play. He didn't want to eat and he didn't want to take a bath. Finally, I got a bath ready anyway and he screamed bloody murder. Jeremy finally got back home but I made him go eat because I knew he was starving. I got Ben into the tub and he calmed down. He still refused to eat though even though we offered several things. I did half of the mountain of dishes that had accumulated while Jeremy tried to get Ben to sleep but then Jillian woke up. Ben refused to go to sleep so he got up to play. Jeremy finished the dishes while I fed the baby.

Finally, we got Ben to bed and Jillian fell asleep. I want to go to bed but I know the second I move Jillian she's going to wake up and we'll start this process all over again. Even though I'm exhausted I just want to enjoy the quiet for a few minutes before I poke the bear! She's due for a diaper change and needs to get into her pajamas so I know she won't sleep through all of that. I hope I'm not in for another night of being a human pacifier.

Sometimes I Eat My Words

So last night I posted about how I don't mind being woken up during the night by the baby and how I don't really mind diapers. Can I take that back?

Last night from about3:30 on Jillian woke up every hour. Then because she ate some much during the night and this morning she's now pooped 3 times already today and it's not even 10 a.m.

I'm about to take both kids out shopping. This is the first time I've really taken both of them out shopping by myself. Hopefully, we'll all survive! I'm still working out the logistics in my head. I think I'll put Ben in the cart and wear Jillian. Hopefully that will work well.