3 and 30

In 3 days I will be 30 and one week from today Ben will be three. That makes me 10 times his age. Hmm...that's not a fun way to think about it.

I've been kind of in denial that both birthdays are coming. I've been party planning and yet trying to deny that both of us are about to have a birthday. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I know there's nothing really wrong with turning 30 but I'm kind of depressed about it for some reason. I guess it's because I remember being in high school and thinking that 30 seemed so old. It seemed a lifetime away and now it's here. Being 20 doesn't seem like that long ago really. That decade flew by so I'm figuring the next one will too which means *gulp* I'll be 40 (shh don't tell anyone).

Back to my little boy. He's going to be 3. For some reason I'm having a harder time accepting this than when he turned 2. At 2 he still seemed like a baby in many ways. I look back at the pictures from his birthday and his face was so much more baby like than it is now. Three just seems like a kid and not at all a baby anymore.

It's been a great 3 years though. I love that little boy more than I could ever find words to describe. He lights up every day of my life (even when I contemplate trading him for a good candy bar). He's so sweet, funny and smart and his smile and laughter make me so happy.

His last day of school was on Tuesday. Tomorrow is his school picnic and then that's it for the year. I can't believe he's finished a whole school year! Seriously, where is the time going?

Yep I'm one of "those" parents

There are so many things that you think you know before you become a parent and so many things that you swear you'll never do and things you'll swear you'll always do. Then you have a child and reality sets in.

I had seen 2, 3, and 4 year olds using pacifiers and I swore I'd never be one of "those" parents who'd allow a child that old to use a pacifier. Well reality smacked me over the head for that one. Ben will be 3 in a week and a half and he still uses one. Yes, really. He loves that stupid thing and hasn't willingly given it up. I was hoping that one day he'd just wake up and decide that he didn't want it anymore. I know, I crack myself up with this stuff.

I know I should take it away from him but I've been able to console myself with research articles showing that children generally have a need to suck until they are about 3 years old. Now not all children are like that and some probably have the need but have been denied.

Well now that Ben is about to turn 3 I've decided it really is time for the pacifier to go. I'm not sure how much he needs it now. I think it's used more out of habit than anything. It does bring him comfort which is why I haven't been able to bring myself to take it away from him yet. I have a hard time denying him something that comforts him and makes him happy. However, he's getting the age where he's learned other forms of comfort and I also don't want other kids to make fun of him.

Okay, I won't lie....I don't want other parents to make fun of ME. Yep, it's mostly about me and my level of discomfort/embarrassment over. I just feel like people are wagging their judgey little finger behind my back just like I used to do to other moms. Doing the wagging certainly is much more fun than being wagged at!

Tomorrow or the very latest on Tuesday I will make a trip to Walmart to purchase some cars from Cars the movie (which Ben is currently obsessed with). The "Binky Fairy" will be making a visit. We've already told Ben all about her. If he leaves his binkies under his pillow the "Binky Fairy" will come and take them away to give to a new baby and as a reward she'll leave him one car for each pacifier. He seems excited about this so we're going to bite the bullet and do it.

I foresee several tear filled sleepless nights in my future but I will be strong. I will be strong. I will be strong.....right? I'm such a sucker for that kids tears. Haha sucker.....get it? It's late and I'm tired. Nervous and tired. Wish us luck!

Remote Control for Life

Wouldn't it be great if life came with a remote control? I think the remote control is one of the best inventions ever but it would be nice if your life came with one.

Think about how wonderful it would be if you could pause or use slow motion on the really wonderful moments in life. Rewind would be great so that you could go back and revisit those wonderful moments anytime you wanted. What moments would you go back to revisit? I'd go back to my wedding day so I could enjoy it more. The day is such a blur for me because it was so exciting. I felt like I had so much to do though that I didn't take as much time to relax and it enjoy it as I should have. Plus, it's been nearly 10 years now so time has faded a few of the memories.

I'd also go back to the births of both of my kids. Even though I experienced intense physical pain on those days they were still 2 of the most amazing days in my life. The moments where I first gazed into their eyes would be a moment I rewind back to again and again.

There are other features on the remote that would come in handy. I mean, how great would it be to fast forward through sitting in traffic or through a boring meeting or work day. As a teenager you could fast forward through all of those annoying lectures from your parents!

The mute button would be pretty nice to have sometimes as well. I wouldn't mind having that button on days when the noise level in my house gets a little to intense for me. Today, for instance, Ben was having the mother of all meltdowns. Kicking. Screaming. Thrashing. He covered all bases! I could have hit the mute button and enjoyed some silence while he vented his frustration.

I find myself wishing more and more for the pause button though. It occurred to me tonight that in less than 2 weeks my baby boy is going to be three years old. How is that possible? Wasn't it just yesterday that he took his first steps, a week ago that he rolled over for the first time and a month ago that they first placed him in my arms? Where did 3 years go?

I love watching him grow and learn. I really do. But there are times when it occurs to me that with each new thing that he learns it means that he is growing to need me less and less. While I know that that is our ultimate goal as parents it's still an emotional thing to think about.

I still love my parents and need them in my life very much but I'm long past the days of snuggling in my mom's lap or having one of them scratch my back when I'm sick or sad to make me feel better. As a parent myself I know appreciate how special those moments are because I know they won't last forever. There will come a day when Ben won't want to sit on my lap any more. I'll miss that so for now I think I'll soak up as much of it as I can!

So, if anyone has any ideas on how to make this remote control thing happen let me know!

Sweet Potato Shower

Over the last few weeks Jillian has entered the wonderful world of solid foods. It's one of my favorite milestones even if that does seem weird. I love watching them taste things for the very first time. One of my funniest memories of when Ben was a baby was when he tried peas for the first time. Oh the looks he gave me! If looks can kill I surely would have been dead right there on my ugly kitchen floor.

Jillian has tried most of the basic baby foods so far. She likes the fruits and the orange veggies. She tolerates green beans but shares her brother's opinion on peas although she at least didn't look at me like I had completely betrayed her when I fed her the first bite.

Today for dinner she had sweet potatoes. She kept opening her mouth like a little birdie! I spooned those sweet potatoes in as fast as she would eat them. She was happy for the first time today. She's got a cold and I think her teeth are hurting so it hasn't been a very good day. Anyway, I was getting lots of sweet potato smiles! And then it happened. I got my very first sweet potato shower.

My beautiful, darling baby girl decided that it would be the perfect time to blow some raspberries at me. I spooned in a bite and *plllllbbbbbbttttttt* orange sweet potatoes EVERYWHERE! She even got some right in my eye. I cleaned myself off, cleaned her off and cautiously fed her another bite. Went right down without a mess! Good! Next bite ......good! Next bite *plllllbbbbttttt* and big smile! My little girl thinks she's a comedian! Anyone remember that comedian guy Gallagher? He would get on stage and make a giant mess by smashing watermelons and other stuff sending it spraying out over the audience. That's what it felt like!

Oh well, at least for a few minutes today I got to see her smile! Tomorrow will be a better day because if it isn't I quit!

On Top of Mount Laundry

The laundry....oh the laundry. There are four people in this house and the laundry never seems to end. I don't know how people with larger families do it! I feel like I'm being buried in and endless pile of laundry.

It would be so bad if all it involved was throwing in the washing machine but no it just can't be that simple. It's got to be sorted, washed, put into the dryer, taken out of the dryer, folded and put away. It's the putting away that really annoys me. I don't know why but it's one chore that I absolutely hate. If it were up to me I'd just keep the damn clothes in a laundry basket but then they end up getting wrinkled which just ends up adding on more work.

If I ever win the lottery the first thing I'm going to do is hire someone to do the laundry. I guess that means I'd actually have to play the lottery though.

Well I've done four loads today so I can take tomorrow off. I'd have a lot less laundry to do if it weren't for Jeremy. He goes through more clothes than anyone in the house. Even the messy toddler dirties less clothes than he does. He wears an outfit to work, changes when he gets home and then usually wears pajama pants or shorts to bed plus a towel for his shower. I could do a load of his clothes every 2 days. I wash the kids clothes about twice a week and my own about once a week plus at least 2 loads of towels and a load of sheets and/or blankets.

I'm not sure which works harder....me or the washing machine. That washing machine sure earns its keep!

Why do I do this to myself?

It's after midnight. Both kids and Jeremy are sleeping. I should be sleeping as well and yet here I sit. I have a really hard time getting my mind to wind down for the night. Brains should come with an "on/off" switch. Well, maybe some people do have that switch because I know a few people who seem to be operating with theirs stuck in the off position.

Anyway, Jillian's nose is all stuffy so she's sleeping in her swing and snoring very loudly. This means I'll be bunking on the couch which is actually okay with me because this couch is very comfortable and I actually have an easier time waking up in the morning when I'm on the couch versus being in bed.

Back to the reason I can't get to sleep. I really can't shut my brain off. I lay down, close my eyes and then frantic thoughts pop into my head. "Oh crap! I forgot to put the laundry into the dryer." This means I'll either have to rewash it in the morning because otherwise it'll be stinky or I have to get up and put the laundry in the dryer. If I put the laundry in the dryer I don't like to go to sleep until it's done because I don't like to leave a dryer completely unattended. Especially one that sometimes gives me trouble. Once in a while things get stuck between the drum and the front of the dryer (this especially happens with little buttons on Jillian's clothes). When that happens I have to go fix it because I don't want to cause a fire. So then I sit here waiting for the clothes to dry and stew about the stupid dryer which makes me annoyed with Jeremy because I've asked him for months now to see if he can figure out what is wrong with it.

Once I settle down again other random thoughts pop into my head. "I have to call that place about that thing tomorrow" (insert daily random thing here), "I have to pick up X,Y and Z from the grocery store," "I really need to try to get that stain out of the carpet," "Oh yeah I have to buy carpet cleaner solution," "I wonder if the kids will nap at the same time tomorrow so I can mop the kitchen floor," "I washed clothes for Jeremy and for the kids but I don't have any clean clothes left, guess I better do that in the morning." That last one brings me full circle. It always seems to start and end with laundry. Story of my life.

Mother's Day

Today was my first Mother's Day as a mommy of two. It was pretty low key and that was okay with me. Jeremy had off for the day so it was nice to have help with the kids and I got to take an almost completely uninterrupted nap which was wonderful. I got a beautiful picture frame that says "Love You Mom." It was a really sweet gift but I have to be honest when I say that I actually can't wait to get more of the type of gifts that they make in school. I love stuff like that. Ben did make a little project in school with his foot print on it that was really cute.

It still seems so weird to me to be able to celebrate Mother's Day. Before Ben was born I remember being somewhat depressed on Mother's Day. I enjoyed celebrating it with my own mom but I always wondered if I'd have the chance to celebrate it myself. At that point I really wasn't sure it was ever going to happen. So because of that I guess it still seems somewhat surreal to me.

I have two amazing and beautiful children and they truly are the best gifts I've ever received. I often look at them in awe and find it hard to believe that they are mine. I'm a mom, their mom. How awesome is that?

Some days it really hits me that being a mom is the most important job that I'll ever have in life. I'm responsible for these two little people. It's up to me (and Jeremy) to teach them not only the academics that they'll need but also life skills, how to be good people, how to love, trust and respect others. It's quite overwhelming to think of it in those terms. I worry sometimes that I'll skip an important lesson somewhere and scar them for life! So far though this whole Mommy thing seems to be going well. My kids are happy, healthy and beautiful. Ben is the most incredibly loving little boy that I could ever imagine. He loves his sister so much that seeing with her is enough to nearly make my heart burst. Jillian and I have such a strong bond already. It doesn't matter who is holding her because she always seems to seek me out. Her eyes lock with mine and she smiles like she's just happy to know that I'm there.

Today was a good day and I look forward to spending a lifetime of Mother's Days loving my kids.

Lost: If Found Please Return

I've apparently misplaced the last 6 months. If you happen to find them I'd appreciate their return and I'll gladly reward you!

I'm not quite sure what happened. I blinked at some point and the next thing I knew 6 months were gone. That's how long it's been since Jillian was born (6 months and almost 4 days to be exact). According to the calendar that's how long it's been but that's sure not what it feels like. It doesn't feel like it could be any more than just a couple of weeks maybe two months at most.

How did this happen? How did my little baby girl turn into a the baby with 2 new teeth. How did she become the baby that can roll halfway across the living room? How is it possible that I've looked at that beautiful face every day for the last 6 months and my heart has exploded yet? I feel like it might explode every time I look at her or her brother.

I feel like at this rate by this time next year she'll be 18! I wish life came with a remote control. That way I could pause things for a little while or rewind back to the special moments any time I want. Of course I also wouldn't mind being able to fast forward occasionally. I would love to have a fast forward button during one of Ben's temper tantrums!

If anyone happens to find the last 6 months please contact me! I'd really like to know where it went.