We get! You're the MAP! Now shut up already!

"I'm the map. I'm the map. I'm the map. I'm the MAP!"

If you have a child who is 17 or younger, chances are you've been subjected to Dora Hell at some point or other. Amanda is 17 now and Dora was just starting and gaining popularity when she was about 5 so she watched it but only for a brief (although it felt like an eternity) amount of time. It was annoying then and it hasn't changed in the 12 years that have passed since she watched it.

After suffering through the repetitive annoyingness that is Dora when Amanda was little, I vowed that I'd never let any of my kids watch it. Most kid shows are annoying to some extent but Dora takes the cake and I didn't want to have to watch it. I did okay with Ben and managed to avoid it until recently. Somehow, Jillian discovered Dora and it was love at first "Hola!" Ben decided he liked Dora as well.

Poor me. Now I spend my days trying to decide which would be more painful...watching Dora or inserting small wooden spikes under each of my toenails...Listening to that effing map or having to walk barefoot through a mixture of broken glass, rusty nails and hot coals.

It's torture I tell you! Torture! If the government wants to get confessions out of terrorists they should make them watch Dora 24 hours a day until they crack. I watched 3 episodes this morning and I was resisting the urge to call my mom and confess every bad thing I had ever done if she would just make Dora go away!

I'll bet you're thinking "But you're the adult...surely you control the remote and you can just turn Dora off and move on to something else." Oh how I wish it were that easy. I tried it today.

This was the result.

Don't they look like they've lost everything that they've ever loved? Jillian will cry for an hour for "Gora and Boops (that would be Dora and Boots for those of you who don't speak toddler). She'll have a full on, throw herself on the floor, crying, kicking, screaming tantrum. One glimpse of Dora and she's happy again.

Jillian is a bit behind in speech and has been receiving speech therapy for almost a year now. Dora has encouraged her to speak more than anyone else so I guess she isn't all bad.

My parents had to put up with the annoying crap that my brother and I liked when we were kids so I guess this is my payback!

Creepy Little Bastards

Don't worry, I'm not talking about my children! I know that's what I usually blog about but I wouldn't call my kids creepy little bastards!

I'm talking about spiders. I hate spiders. I've always hated spiders. I have nightmares about them. I don't understand people who keep big tarantulas as pets. Only an insane person would keep one of those eight legged freaks as a pet.

It's Saturday night and the kids are spending the night with Grandma and Grandpa. Jeremy works on Saturday nights so it's my time to get somethings done with no interruptions. I enjoy a little peace and quiet. I was having a nice evening. I cleaned most of the evening. I decided to go take a shower before Jeremy gets home from work. It's not often that I get to take one without having to listen to a kid trying to beat the door down or having someone say "Mommy I have to pee!!!!" the second I step under the water. When I don't have to rush I don't have to make the tough decision "Do I wash my hair or shave my legs because I only have time to do one of those things before all hell breaks lose."

So tonight I was looking forward to my peaceful, relaxing shower. I turned the water on and got it to just the right temperature. I stepped into the tub and turned to close the shower curtain behind me when I spotted it. The spider. He was quickly crawling on the wall of my bathroom headed straight for my peaceful shower. Crap! I was already soaking wet from the shower and because I had just dyed my hair yesterday, color was still coming out so I was dripping hair dye all over the shower. I grabbed my towel, threw it on the floor so I didn't drip dye everywhere, grabbed a washcloth and tried to kill the spider. Fail. I managed to knock it off the wall and it disappeared. Great. Just great. Now that spider was in hiding while it plotted its revenge against me.

I got back into the shower but couldn't stop thinking about how this spider was probably burrowing into my clothes and laying eggs filled with creepy little spider babies. I knew I had to get out and find it. So once again I was faced with the decision...do I wash my hair or shave my legs? The hair won out because I had to rinse more dye out (had a little mishap with the shower head yesterday when I tried to do it and had to resort to the kitchen sink sprayer).

I got out and dried off while scanning the bathroom for any signs of the spider who was surely going to murder me. I finally spotted it crawling back up the wall. I grabbed my weapon of choice...a washcloth, took a deep breath, let out a little squeal and squished the little effer! I threw the whole washcloth in the trash and slammed the lid!

I'm sure I'll have nightmares about that stupid spider tonight!