Dun Dun Dun The Dentist

I have a fear of the dentist. Most people who know me well know this. My husband actually had to drag me in once while I cried. I didn't have this fear as a child. I was young and unassuming then! When I was in my early 20's I started having problems with a wisdom tooth. It had come in funny and was causing me pain. The dentist that I went to as a kid didn't accept my new grown up person insurance so I had to find a new dentist. My old dentist would have happily give me the happy gas and things would have been so much easier. Not this new dentist. No sir, no way. This guy apparently enjoyed the sadistic torture that is dentistry.

First, this guy told me he was going to numb me up to have the tooth removed. I was expecting the gentle pinch that my old dentist would administer. I have never been so wrong. That S.O.B drove that needle straight into the roof of my mouth and I nearly went through the roof of the building with pain. I should have walked out right then but I figured since I was already numb what more could really happen. Well that guy started to yank my tooth and I wasn't completely numb yet that's what. You know how cartoons see stars above their heads when they are hurt? Yep, that was pretty much me. He then jammed a needle into my not numb at all gum. I was finally numb and he pulled the tooth. I never went back there or to any other dentist for much to long.

Now I am plagued with dental problems and my stomach just hurts to even think about going to the dentist. I do when I have to but I avoid it as much as possible. I've found a better dentist but the anxiety still gets to me.

What I hate the most about my fear is that I'll pass it along to my children. I have terrible teeth and I don't want them to have the same problems. So I've started taking them at a very young age. They both went today. Ben got his first real cleaning and he did a great job! I was so proud of him. Maybe next time I go to the dentist I'll take him with me and he can hold my hand and talk me through it. Jillian had her first ever dentist visit today and she cried and fought to get away. I totally felt her pain. I've acted similarly, only she's 16 months. I'm 30 so I guess I can't use age as an excuse for myself. Right?

*taps invisible microphone* Is this thing on?

I love my children. I love my husband. I do not like their selective hearing ability. As a matter of fact it just very well send me into one of those cozy backward jackets and into a padded cell.

Ben is the worst lately. I feel like I am talking to myself most days. I tell him to do something or to STOP doing something and I am met with *blank stare* and then he continues on either doing what I told him to stop doing or not doing what I told him to do.

I don't like to yell. I don't like to be the mean mom but some days I feel like I have no choice. I think this child has lost his mind of the last few weeks and I'm about to lose mine! Part of it is his age and I keep reminding myself that he's only testing me and this too shall pass. The other part of it though is he has the listening capabilities of his daddy. I swear that man can turn his ears off and on. I could tell him something 3 times and then later he'll say I never told him. If I counted up all of the "Huhs and whats" that came out of his mouth during our over 10 years of marriage.....well I'm not even sure I could count that high.

It's days like these that I think of how you hear about how people in many decades past had a cocktail in the evening. It was like a home version of happy hour. I'm thinking that those people must have had children and that maybe they were on to something. I should start some kind of movement to bring back Happy Hour the Home Edition.

Momzheimer's

*Just a little note* I am not in any way making fun of anyone who has Alzheimer's Disease. Just so we're clear.

I've been a mom for nearly 4 years now and I'm pretty sure my brain has deteriorated significantly since then. Just in that last sentence I had to slow down my typing and really think about how to spell deteriorated and significantly. Spelling used to be my forte. Now I find myself having to really think about how to spell words that once came easily to me.

I'm totally convinced that something happens to a woman's brain once she becomes a mom. I don't think we become less intelligent by any means but our brains function differently than they did prior to having children. I've talked to other women about this and a lot of them feel the same way.

Not only do I not spell as well as I used to, I can't seem to remember anything. I walk into a room and forget why I walked in there. I log onto the computer with the specific intent to do a particular thing and as soon as my browser opens I suddenly forget what it was I intended to do. I'll call someone to tell them something and by the time they answer the phone I cannon, for the life of me, remember why in the hell I called them in the first place.

I can't even tell you how many times I've driven right past where I intended to go because my mind is going a million miles an hour. Suddenly, I'll end up somewhere wondering "how in the world did I get here?" Tonight I was on my way to a meeting and had planned to stop at a store to get a cup of coffee on the way. I passed the store and suddenly remembered that I was supposed to stop so I had to turn around and go back.

I really think I suffer from Momzheimer's. Seriously, someone should do some real research on it. I'd love to see the difference in brain chemistry from before and after a woman has a child. I wonder if it's something that gets worse with each child that you have. If that's the case, Michelle Duggar's brain must look like a moth-eaten mess!

Post holiday let down

Once Halloween is over I start really looking forward to Christmas especially now that we have little kids in the house. I count down the days until Black Friday and I spend weeks planning my lists and where to get the best deals. I love Black Friday!

After Thanksgiving and Black Friday are over I really get started on Christmas. Even though it's a lot of work I love the final look of having all of the decorations up and the tree all lit up and pretty. The tree is always my favorite. It has been ever since I was little. I have to decorate it a particular way (thanks to my mom!) but it's something I enjoy.

I have two beautiful children and they make Christmas even better. This was the first year that our 3 year old really understood Santa and the anticipation of Christmas. He had actually asked for certain gifts and we were able to get him those things. I was so excited to see his face Christmas morning. We spent a nice Christmas Eve together. We drove around looking at lights, saw Santa, opened our new jammies and read "Twas the Night Before Christmas." After the kids went to bed we began the mad frenzy of playing Santa.

After a lot of lugging, some last minute wrapping, and rearranging Christmas had arrived under our tree. Once that was all finished Jeremy went to bed and I was able to enjoy one of my favorite moments each year. I turn off everything but the tree lights and just sit there and enjoy the multi-colored glow of the tree and the sound of peace and quiet.

Ben was every bit as excited as I thought he'd be Christmas morning. He eagerly opened his gifts as well as most of his little sister's! She mostly drank her milk and tried to figure out what was going on. His little face lit up with even the simplest of gifts. The most wished for gift this year was Thomas the Train stuff and boy did Santa deliver! Ben was in train heaven!

We spent the day with family and we played with the new toys and all too soon it was over. I was exhausted but in a good way. I didn't feel too sad yet because we still had to have Christmas with Amanda and then my in laws so I was looking forward to that. Amanda came and we enjoyed that. Ben really had a blast playing with her. All too soon she was gone again.

At least I still had New Year's to look forward too. I'm not sure why since we don't even do anything! We have little kids so we just stay home and watch TV and have some snacks. Now it's a new year and the celebrations are over.

Like every year I have some post holiday let down. It's sad that it's all over. The decorations came down today and I felt sad packing them up. I miss my tree and it's pretty glow. In some ways I'm glad Christmas only comes once a year because it does end up being so much work but it makes me a little sad knowing that I have to wait a whole year for it to come again. That means my kids will be a whole year older and I think that's the hardest part for me.

Oh well...it's 2011. Hopefully this year will bring lots of good things to those I love.

Dirty Jobs

I love that show (although I haven't seen a new one in a long time). It's interesting to watch and well if I'm being honest, Mike Rowe is kinda hot. Just don't tell my husband. He thinks I watch it because I'm being nice and letting him control the TV!

Now poor Mike has done all kinds of things that most of us would never want to do. He's cleaned up all kinds of assorted animal crap, dead things, rotten things and trash. He's climbed into tight, dark, dirty spaces that make me nearly have a panic attack just thinking about it.

What I like to know is why he's never done a show about being a stay at home parent. It's a rewarding job but it sure can be dirty. I've cleaned up the diapers that were nearly vomit inducing. Speaking of vomit, I've cleaned that up as well. My children treat me like I'm a walking tissue and are always wiping their noses on me! Gross! I have to check my shirt to make sure I'm not covered in snot before I leave the house.

I clean up spills and scrub food off the floor. I have to empty out that half filled sippy of milk that has somehow found it's way under the couch and has been there for who knows how long! I've been peed on, pooped on and spit up on. I've leaked milk all over myself at very embarrassing times. In the first few weeks after Jillian was born there were days that I was desperate for even a 5 minute shower and I had to run my tongue over my teeth to remember whether or not I had already brushed my teeth.

So Mike Rowe I challenge you to a day as a stay at home parent!

It's been one of those days

*I overslept and had to rush around getting the kids and myself ready to take Ben to school.

*I, of course, ended up behind someone who insisted on doing 25 mph in a 35 mph zone. Jeremy has said it before and he's right (mark that one down in history)...it's a really good thing that I don't have a gun. We don't have bail money to get me out of jail.

*I went to pick Ben up from school and Jillian pooped on the way there so I had to change her at his school. She proceeded to scream and thrash like a bear caught in a trap while I changed her.
I went to get Ben and received a bad report from his teacher. He apparently had a very bad day.

*Not only had he pooped in his pants (again) he also was the bully of the day.

*I made him take a nap after lunch but Jillian wouldn't stop shrieking so he couldn't sleep. I sent him to my room where he proceeded to get into everything.

*Ben later refused to eat his dinner and threw his fork to the floor 4 different times and was finally sent to his room.

*He continued his day of bullying by tormenting his little sister by stealing away anything she put her little hand on. She responded by shrieking at ear splitting volumes.

*Bedtime finally arrived and I was nearly giddy with excitement. I should have known that due to earlier events bedtime would not go well.

*Jillian slept for about 10 minutes before starting to scream. I was about to get in the shower so Jeremy took care of her. I came out to find her playing in the living room with Ben. Guess she decided she wanted no parts of bedtime.

*I decided to hide in the bedroom for some peace and quiet while Jeremy dealt with them! He finally got her to sleep and then he attempted to get Ben to bed. Screaming, crying and an all out tantrum followed.

*I hear Jeremy begging him to go to sleep. I hear him making empty threats. Ben continued to scream. Then mean mommy came out. I was absolutely done with that behavior for the day. He was asleep less than 10 minutes after Mommy took over again.

Tomorrow better be a better day!

My beautiful girl is one!

One year ago today I gave birth the the most beautiful little girl! At 5:14 a.m on November 4, 2009 Jillian Alyse entered the world weighing a hefty 9lbs 12 oz. This past year has been amazing. She is such a sweet and happy baby!

She cries sometimes but she's easily consoled. She almost always full of smiles and laughter. I could spend a day just staring at her beautiful, dark eyes with their long curly eyelashes. I've never seen eyes as dark as hers and they were like almost from the very start.

Almost every day she makes her favorite silly face at me. She squishes up her little button nose and grins this really big grin. Even when I'm in a bad mood it makes me laugh. She is a very active little girl. Much more physically active then Ben was at this age (I guess because she wants to keep up with him). She is constantly climbing onto the coffee table or getting into something. She definitely keeps me busy.

Jillian is already taking 3-4 steps at a time. She's still unsure of herself but I don't think it'll be much longer before she's walking all over the place.

We had a big birthday party for her on Saturday the 30th! We did a cupcake theme and it was so much fun! Jillian looked so pretty in her pink dress and I think she had a fun day.

Today was kind of a crummy day even though it was her birthday. I have an abscessed tooth so I haven't felt up to doing much. I had wanted to go earlier this week to buy her presents but wasn't up to it so I went today. Of course it was pouring rain so I had to take both kids out in the nasty weather. We picked out some nice gifts for her and then went out and had pancakes for lunch which Jillian loved! I had planned to go out and get her a cake when Jeremy got home from work but he ended up being late....really late. So I quickly baked her a cake while the kids ate dinner.

Since Jeremy was so late I finally just gave her her presents and she seemed happy. Then we did the cake where Jeremy came home. I wanted to be able to get some really nice pictures of her today but with the weather being so crappy I didn't get the chance. Hopefully, I will soon!

I have so much more I want to say but the pain meds (for my tooth) are making my head swim now!