It's been one of those days

*I overslept and had to rush around getting the kids and myself ready to take Ben to school.

*I, of course, ended up behind someone who insisted on doing 25 mph in a 35 mph zone. Jeremy has said it before and he's right (mark that one down in history)...it's a really good thing that I don't have a gun. We don't have bail money to get me out of jail.

*I went to pick Ben up from school and Jillian pooped on the way there so I had to change her at his school. She proceeded to scream and thrash like a bear caught in a trap while I changed her.
I went to get Ben and received a bad report from his teacher. He apparently had a very bad day.

*Not only had he pooped in his pants (again) he also was the bully of the day.

*I made him take a nap after lunch but Jillian wouldn't stop shrieking so he couldn't sleep. I sent him to my room where he proceeded to get into everything.

*Ben later refused to eat his dinner and threw his fork to the floor 4 different times and was finally sent to his room.

*He continued his day of bullying by tormenting his little sister by stealing away anything she put her little hand on. She responded by shrieking at ear splitting volumes.

*Bedtime finally arrived and I was nearly giddy with excitement. I should have known that due to earlier events bedtime would not go well.

*Jillian slept for about 10 minutes before starting to scream. I was about to get in the shower so Jeremy took care of her. I came out to find her playing in the living room with Ben. Guess she decided she wanted no parts of bedtime.

*I decided to hide in the bedroom for some peace and quiet while Jeremy dealt with them! He finally got her to sleep and then he attempted to get Ben to bed. Screaming, crying and an all out tantrum followed.

*I hear Jeremy begging him to go to sleep. I hear him making empty threats. Ben continued to scream. Then mean mommy came out. I was absolutely done with that behavior for the day. He was asleep less than 10 minutes after Mommy took over again.

Tomorrow better be a better day!

My beautiful girl is one!

One year ago today I gave birth the the most beautiful little girl! At 5:14 a.m on November 4, 2009 Jillian Alyse entered the world weighing a hefty 9lbs 12 oz. This past year has been amazing. She is such a sweet and happy baby!

She cries sometimes but she's easily consoled. She almost always full of smiles and laughter. I could spend a day just staring at her beautiful, dark eyes with their long curly eyelashes. I've never seen eyes as dark as hers and they were like almost from the very start.

Almost every day she makes her favorite silly face at me. She squishes up her little button nose and grins this really big grin. Even when I'm in a bad mood it makes me laugh. She is a very active little girl. Much more physically active then Ben was at this age (I guess because she wants to keep up with him). She is constantly climbing onto the coffee table or getting into something. She definitely keeps me busy.

Jillian is already taking 3-4 steps at a time. She's still unsure of herself but I don't think it'll be much longer before she's walking all over the place.

We had a big birthday party for her on Saturday the 30th! We did a cupcake theme and it was so much fun! Jillian looked so pretty in her pink dress and I think she had a fun day.

Today was kind of a crummy day even though it was her birthday. I have an abscessed tooth so I haven't felt up to doing much. I had wanted to go earlier this week to buy her presents but wasn't up to it so I went today. Of course it was pouring rain so I had to take both kids out in the nasty weather. We picked out some nice gifts for her and then went out and had pancakes for lunch which Jillian loved! I had planned to go out and get her a cake when Jeremy got home from work but he ended up being late....really late. So I quickly baked her a cake while the kids ate dinner.

Since Jeremy was so late I finally just gave her her presents and she seemed happy. Then we did the cake where Jeremy came home. I wanted to be able to get some really nice pictures of her today but with the weather being so crappy I didn't get the chance. Hopefully, I will soon!

I have so much more I want to say but the pain meds (for my tooth) are making my head swim now!

So much to say

Wow things have been so busy lately. We had something planned every weekend this month. It's been pure craziness. To top it all off I was in charge of Ben's Halloween party at school and we had Jillian's first birthday party and Halloween to deal with.

The house looks like a tornado ripped through it. Jillian's party was yesterday and stuff is every where. We didn't even have the party here! I just let other things go in order to get ready for the party so my goal this week is to get the house back in order.

Ben's party was fun! The kids were adorable and I think they had a good time. He actually wore his costume this year for their little parade. Last year he cried and refused to wear it. My little boy is growing up.

Jillian's party was fun. I can't believe that her first birthday party is over now. She'll be one on the 4th so that's still a few days away but the big party is over. I did a cupcake theme for her and was up to my eyeballs in cupcakes! She looked so beautiful in her little party dress. I did really well and didn't cry at all during the party. I cried when I got her ready and then again when I had a few moments alone later. It's wonderful watching her grow up but it's bittersweet in some ways because she is very likely my last baby. It's hard thinking about the fact that this will be the last 1st birthday party that I will plan. We had a great day though. Our friends and family came to help us celebrate and Jillian was the star of the show.

Today was Halloween. Ben was Buzz Lightyear and he decided it was the best costume ever! He was so excited to wear it. This year he really got the whole concept of Halloween. He walked up to houses and knocked on the door. He ran from each house yelling "Mommy! I got more candy!" His eyes were practically popping from their sockets. After a while though he was ready to go home. It was windy and he doesn't like the wind.

Jillian was Raggedy Ann. She truly was a living doll. I had someone make the costume for her so it was all hand made. She looked so cute! Her costume had a special meaning for me. I bought a Raggedy Ann doll for her after I found out she was a girl. I took it to the hospital with me and took her picture with it after she was born. Then I took her picture with it on the 4th of every month to show how much she'd grown from month to month. Since her birthday is so close to Halloween I decided I wanted to dress her as Raggedy Ann for Halloween and then do some of her 1st birthday pics in the costume with her doll. She got tons of compliments while we were out tonight. Three random strangers took her picture because they thought she was so cute. I swear those beautiful dark eyes of hers and that sweet little smile could melt any heart.

I'm glad this week is over. Now I can look forward to and dread (all at the same time) Jillian's actual birthday in a few days.

Busy weekend!

Actually the whole month is cram packed. I've felt like I haven't had much of a life for the last few months and now I have to much to do! This weekend we have a wedding/reception to go to on Saturday and then another wedding reception to go to on Sunday.

I'm looking forward to the wedding on Saturday because just Jeremy and I are going. My parents are watching the kids for the day. Jeremy and I don't get much time together. We can't even sleep in bed without a kid between us most nights or one of us ends up sleeping in another room with one of the kids. So it'll be nice to have a grown up night out!

The kids are going with us to the reception on Sunday which I hope will be fun too. I bought the most beautiful dress for Jillian and I can't wait to show her off in it! I will admit that I love showing off my kids. They really are my pride and joy. They are the best things I've ever done with my life. I often look at them and just can't believe that they came from me.

Well I need to get to bed. I'm reading Under the Dome by Stephen King on my Kindle (which is the most awesome thing ever by the way) and I only get to really read once the kids go to bed.

It Was a 3 Shot Kinda Day

Nope, I don't mean that kind of shot. Today's shots were not of the fun, make you feel happy variety. They were the kind that require a visit to the doctor, tears and Band-aids.

Jillian, Ben and I all got our flu shots today. Not high on my list of fun things to do. I'm not a fan of shots to begin with. Needles have always made me cringe. Ask my mom. She used to laugh at me. Mom, if you're reading this you're still mean!

Anyway, now I have to put on a brave face and take that shot like a big girl because the kids are right there watching. I can't cry and wince like I really want to! It'd be pretty hard to convince them to be brave if they catch me being a big ol' weenie! Lucky, mommy got to go first. Surprisingly, it didn't really hurt. It hurt more to remove the Band-aid later. Next time I think I'd just prefer to bleed on my shirt.

Big Ben was next. Once he saw what they did to me he wanted no parts of getting a shot. They stick the kids in their thigh so I had to pull his pants down and then they make the parent restrain the child. Gee thanks. Like I don't have to be the bad guy often enough. First I have to tell the kid that he cannot have Gummi Bears for breakfast and now you want me to pin his arms and legs down while you poke him with something sharp and pointy? Awesome. He cried. I almost cried. Then the nurse took him to get a sticker. He found a Toy Story one and all was right with his world again.

Jilly Bean went last. She had a little exam first because she was also there to have her foot checked (everything is fine). Then it was needle time. Again, I get stuck restraining the poor kid. This really is one of the parenting jobs I hate. I'm supposed to keep things from hurting my kids but here I am bear hugging them to hold them still (and boy does that girl hate to be held still) while someone inflicts pain upon them. Last time she got a shot she gave the nurse a dirty look and then was over it. This time...not so much. She cried. Then she screamed. Then she just looked pitiful and buried her face in my neck. Luckily, within a few minutes she was over it.

They should give parents the type of shot that comes in a glass prior to the start of these appointments.

Life gets a little busy

I haven't blogged in a while. I've started my own little "business" making hair bows. I've actually made some money which is awesome. It's cut into my blogging time lately though because it's hard to do much work on it when the kids are awake so I work when they're sleeping which is also when I'd usually blog.

On top of all of that Jillian and I have gone back and forth being sick so she's often needier than usual and waking a lot at night and I haven't been feeling that great myself.

October is here and for some reason this month is jam packed with stuff. I sold hair bows last weekend at a children's resale and that was a lot to get ready for. This coming weekend we have a wedding to go to on Saturday and then another reception to go to on Sunday. Next weekend I have another sale for hair bows. The weekend after that is the only weekend we don't have anything planned for yet. Then the 30th is Jillian's first birthday party. I've tried to put that out of my mind as much as possible because I'm just not ready for her to turn one.

All of that on top of the fact that my daughter is half human and half monkey! She can now climb up onto the coffee table and she's attempting to climb onto everything else. She gets into everything. If anyone leaves anything within her grasp she'll get it! She is so much more active then Ben was at this age. She's cruising the furniture and I won't be surprised if she starts walking before her birthday. She's growing so fast!

Okay now I need to get to bed because Ben has school in the morning and I have a feeling it's going to be another restless night with Jillian.

Feeling....well I don't know what

Jeremy put away the baby swing tonight. Jillian's almost 10 months old now and it was time. She loved her swing and used it often up until 3 weeks ago. She was getting to big for it and we began to only use it occasionally and for the last week we haven't used it at all.

I couldn't look while he did it. I was on the phone with my mom and trying to fight back the tears. That swing held both of my babies. Now both of them are too big for it. I remember the first time that I put each of them in it. I remember how tiny they looked sitting there. It was almost as if the swing had swallowed them up. As of last week Jillian's legs dangled quite a ways over the edge of the seat and the swing had started to creak under her weight! How did she get so big so fast?

Half of my dining room is currently filled with out grown clothes and the bassinet. We want to have a yard sale soon and there's a children's resale event coming up so I've got to get the stuff ready to sell. It hurts to think about it though. It would be nice for someone else to get some use out of that stuff but it makes me sad to think that I won't have another baby that can use it.

When I had Jillian I surprisingly felt like I wasn't finished with having children. I had been so sure up until the moment that they handed her to me. The second she was in my arms I thought "I don't want this to be the last time that they had me a new baby." In some ways I still feel that way and in other ways I realize that our family could be complete now. The days where I feel like I'm about to lose my mind I find myself thinking "yep no more kids for me!" Then there are the moments when I look at them and see how quickly they are growing, the moments when Jillian falls asleep with her head on my should and I feel her warm breath on my neck, the times when I snuggle her in my arms and smell her fresh from the bath sweet scent, the nights when I cuddle up with Ben in his bed and he tells me "I love you moon back Mommy." Those are the moments that make me sad that I won't experience those things with another child.

We have a total of 3 beautiful children though. I got very lucky and had 2 very healthy pregnancies. All of our kids are happy and healthy and watching them grow is a true joy. I'm not ready to completely close down the baby factory by doing something permanent but I think I'm getting closer to being at peace with having 2 of my own children and one beautiful stepdaughter.

Holding my babies for the first time is something I hope I'll never forget though. I remember that exact moment for each of them. I remember the way I felt and I remember looking at Jeremy and thinking about how amazing it was that he and I had created the beautiful life that was now nestled in my arms. It was incredible and overwhelming. I am sad that I won't experience it again.