They love you anyway

Kids seem to have this amazing ability to do something that few others can. They love you no matter what. They don't care that you aren't dressed in the top fashions, they don't care that you don't drive an expensive car, they don't care if your hair is a mess and that you don't have any makeup on. They just love you plain and simple.

Even on the days when I've lost my patience with Ben and haven't taken the time with him that I should he loves me anyway. I experienced that today. Jillian had a doctor's appointment for her 4 month checkup. She got several shots and was not a happy baby later at home. She screamed for well over an hour. She's normally pretty easy to soothe but this time she was inconsolable. I had tried everything I could think of and finally called the doctor's office. I was on the phone with the nurse while Jillian was literally screaming in my other ear. I was absolutely at my breaking point. Of course Ben picked that exact moment to start shaking his cup in my face yelling at the top of his lungs "more juice mama more juice" and he repeated it over and over again. I told him to please wait a minute. He kept asking and just yelled louder and louder. I got off the phone with the nurse and yelled at Ben. He ran to his room in tears and right away I wished I could take it back. I know he was probably just as frustrated by the baby's crying as I was and I wasn't fair to him.

I apologized and got him his drink. The rest of the day continued to be tough. Ben was a particularly active 2 year old today. The noise level in the house was more than I could take. I was on the edge. I was tired and stressed. I wasn't nearly as patient with him today as I should have been.

Then bedtime rolled around and all I could think was "finally, some peace and quiet." Normally, Jeremy puts Ben to bed because I'm often feeding the baby. Lately though, Ben has wanted me to read to him instead of Jeremy. Tonight was no exception. He seemed to forget all about my rotten Mommy moments from today. He grabbed 2 books and my hand and lead me to his room. He happily snuggled up next to me and we read. After the stories were over he snuggled up and put his forehead to mine. He reached up and stroked my cheek as I've done so many times to him. At that moment it was so very clear to me that he loves me. He loves me in spite of my flaws. He loves me even when I'm not the very best mom that I should be. I love that little boy. I love him much more than I ever thought I could love and in more complex ways than I ever thought were possible.