I Always Knew

I always knew that I wanted to be a mom. Being "mommy" to my dolls was one of my favorite things to do. I also had a great mom so I knew I wanted to be like her.

I got married pretty young...at least by today's standards. I was 20 and Jeremy was 25. This year we'll be celebrating our 10th anniversary so obviously it worked for us. Since I was young we weren't worried about having kids right away. I was going to college and we were both working. We enjoyed our time together and since he already had a child that fulfilled my need to have a child around even though she wasn't with us full time.

After a few years I received some medical news that made it look like it may not be possible for me to have children. I was devastated. Much more so than I think I ever let on. We eventually started to try anyway and month after month it didn't happen. I felt broken. I remember telling Jeremy that he should just leave me and that I wouldn't blame him for it. He didn't though. He was there for me every step of the way and for that I will always be grateful.

After 2 years we had finally stopped trying. I was going through a particularly bad time because I'd been to about 5 baby showers within a few weeks. By the last 2 I was pregnant but didn't even know it. I finally got pregnant and I was so happy! That beautiful little miracle is now a happy go lucky 2 1/2 year old.

That happy go lucky 2 1/2 year old also has a 3 month old sister! That's right it happened again! I have to beautiful and amazing children and every day I look at them and think about how incredibly lucky I am to have them.

Right now Jillian is asleep right next to me and she is so unbelievably beautiful and peaceful. I sit here watching her little belly rise up and down with each breath. I watch her eyelids flutter from time to time and wonder what experience in her 3 months she is dreaming about. Her little hand is curled beneath her chin...it's the hand that I held and she fell asleep. She has beautiful dark eyelashes and I wonder if they'll stay that way like her brother's. There is truly nothing more peaceful than a sleeping baby.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mom.