Some days....

Some days I don't feel like a very good mom. I complain about the kids and I let the stress get to me. I don't always have the patience with them that I should and I really need to do better.

I love staying home with them but there are days that I feel like I'd give anything to get out of the house alone for 8 hours. Most days I love being home with them but there are days when I don't. This week has been rough with both of the kids being sick. I'm so lucky to be able to be the one home to hold and comfort them instead of having to send them to daycare but sometimes it wears me down.

When they are sick like this I can't seem to keep everyone happy at the same time. Then I end up feeling guilty and worn out. It doesn't help that Jeremy also has a cold. That means that other than for work he doesn't really function. Last night I had to take dinner out to play because Jeremy didn't feel up to it. The baby was sleeping so I asked him to make dinner while I played out with Ben. I came back in and he hadn't cooked anything because he said he didn't know what to cook. So I cooked dinner. Then I did the dishes and several loads of laundry. All the while I was getting interrupted by both kids. I gave both of them a bath and got them ready for bed. I changed the sheets on our bed. You know what he did while I did all of this? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Now I know he didn't feel good and it's not like I expected him to run a marathon or to even do all of the things he'd normally do in an evening. What I didn't expect was for him to do nothing. I don't have that option when I'm sick. I've been really sick twice since having Jillian. Luckily I have great parents who help me out but that still doesn't mean I can lay around and do nothing. They may take Ben for me but they can't take the baby. They would but they can't because I nurse her so obviously they can't help with that!

*Skip this paragraph if you don't want to hear gross stuff* The last time that I was sick I was vomiting and had it coming out the other end. I had to have the baby sitting in her bouncy seat in the bathroom with me so I couldn't comfort her while I waited to puke or while I regathered my energy to get up after puking. I had to nurse her while I went to the bathroom. Good thing she's not old enough to remember that.

I'm a mom though and that's my job. I don't know why it isn't always the same for Dads. I know what you're thinking....Susan was just playing martyr right? Nope. He knew I was annoyed and he knew why I was annoyed. I did ask him for help. I didn't do it all and then complain later. I asked him to give Ben a bath (he was covered in dirt). He said "it's not bath night" (he usually gets a bath every other night). I told him that he was covered in dirt. Not to mention that Ben was on the floor having a temper tantrum because he wanted a bath. But no. He was not to be disturbed apparently. So I gave him a bath. Once his hair and body were washed I let him play in the tub while I cleaned the bathroom.

Jeremy went to bed as soon as Ben was asleep and I followed behind not to long after. I nursed Jillian back to sleep but she kept waking up coughing. So I kept her in bed with me so I could sit her up. She fussed and fussed. Finally around 3:30 I sat her up to try burping her some more. Bad idea. She pooped. A lot. Everywhere. It required Jeremy's help whether he wanted to or not. I had to hold her at arms length while he got a towel to lay her on while I stripped her clothes. Then he held her out while I showered her off. Then he went back to sleep. I finally got her back to sleep around 4 and she was awake again at 4:45 to eat. Then again at 6. Ugh.

Wow I feel better getting all of that out. Both kids are still sick but Ben seems a lot better. He's playing more and has more energy. He still doesn't have much of an appetite but we're working on it. Jillian has a cold and the poor thing coughs a lot and is all stuffy. I have to use the booger sucker which is no fun for either of us. That thing is like torture.

Anyway, I know things will get better. They won't be little and as needy forever and I'll end up looking back and missing these days. So I'm going to do my best from now on to appreciate each day for what it brings. The good and the bad. I'm very lucky and I should appreciate that more than I do.