Monday, August 20, 2012

Three Months

I haven't blogged in a while. Ben has been off from school for the summer and they keep me busy. I was also kind of in a funk for a while.

Three months ago I lost something that was very important to me. My best friend. No, nothing happened to her. She's perfectly fine as far as know. But our friendship is not fine. It's broken and I don't think it'll ever be fixed.

We've been best friends for 20 years. Twenty years. That's more than half my life. She stood by me through some tough times and I did the same for her. We met in 7th grade and while we've had some differences over the years our friendship always pulled through. From the outside we seem like very different people but there was just something about our friendship that worked.

Three months ago everything changed. I spent the day at a craft fair, Jeremy was working and my parents had the kids for the night. I talked to my BF (best friend for future reference) and she said she was having a little campfire in her yard that night and invited me over. It sounded good to me. I was looking forward to spending sometime relaxing and she and I didn't get to hang out often because we both have kids.

So I got there that night and her "friend", we'll call him DB (for douchebag) was there along with her cousin, her cousin's daughter and her BF's kids were playing nearby. Now, I had previously liked DB and had encouraged BF to be in a relationship with him. She had come from another bad relationship and this guy didn't seem so bad. He took care of his kids and had a job and seemed to treat her pretty good. Most of all he made her happy and that's what mattered most to me. Over time I realized that this guy had some anger issues along with a serious drinking problem. I stopped encouraging after that. So I wasn't real thrilled that he was there but again, she was happy so I said nothing.

We all hung out for a while and we were having a good time. He was drinking and quickly got drunker which made him run his mouth a lot. He was just completely obnoxious. Her cousin left and shortly before she left I found out that he had hit her with the rung of a chair earlier in the evening. I won't tell more of that story because isn't my place to tell her story.

I'm sitting there talking to BF and DB keeps interrupting acting like an ass. I finally tell him to shut up so that I can talk to my friend. He rushes me from out of nowhere and shoves me out of my chair. I hit my head on the wooden chair next to me and slam my arm on the ground. It hurt. A lot! I get up off the ground and he's acting like he wants to hit me. I tell him that real men don't hit women and I make and attempt to leave but I can't get around him because he's in front of the gate. BF gets between us and she's trying to push him back and calm him down and being all sweet to him. Not once does she ask if I'm okay or show any kind of concern for me. He's telling me to "bring somebody" because he wants me to go get my husband or someone for him to fight after all of this. She finally gets him in the house. I look right at her and say "you made your choice." I knew right then and there that our friendship was over.

I've spent a lot of years watching her go through one destructive relationship after another. I supported her, listened to her cry and helped her through when her heart was broken yet again. I finally decided that I was just done. I just can't do it anymore. I just don't have it in me.

I know I made the right decision but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt and it doesn't mean that I don't miss her. I do miss her. There are times when I want to pick up the phone and call her. I'll see something funny online that makes me think of her and I want to share it with her and then I remind myself that I can't.

After all of that I've decided that my husband and my mom are all the best friend that I need. They are two people who are always there for me. I'd rather spend my time with my husband more than with anyone else in the world other than our children.

I've been really hurt before by people who I called friends. My entire senior year was a nightmare because of people that I thought were friends. That was the absolute lowest point of my life. A year that should have been filled with fun and making memories was the worst year of my life. Time heals all wounds but it sure can leave scars. I've never allowed myself to become friends with a large group of people ever again. After that and what now happened with BF I find myself holding people at arm's length. I have awesome neighbors who I consider to be friends and yet I know that a part of me is holding back in becoming really invested in these friendships because I don't want to get hurt again. I know it's wrong. They're wonderful people and lots of fun. I'm just not sure I could ever fully trust a friend again.

Losing a 20 year friendship makes me sad. She knew me better than almost anyone else. We had some really fun memories together and she really was there at times that I needed her. When all of those other "friends" decided to make my life a living hell she was there. I miss that friend. I think I'll always miss her.

I may even have let everything go if she had at least made an effort the next day to see if I was okay or to apologize for things getting out of hand but she didn't do that. To me that meant that she was clearly showing that she supported him and that hurt even more.

I wish her the best in life. I truly do. I loved her and her family. I've known her boys since they were born and I've loved watching them grow over the years. I loved her mom and the rest of her family and I wish them all well.